My only hope is that the Big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.

I don’t need your sympathy, I need my Johnson.

Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let’s just say if I’m ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I’m covered.

And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair. Without super hearing, I wouldn’t have heard Zeb whisper, “This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.””Maybe they’ll get muddy,” Dick said. “Please, Lord, let them get muddy.

I was just turned last week. I’m a librarian.”He stilled, as if I’d just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. “I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by–“I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. “If you finish...

Am I racially kin to this man? Baynes wondered. So closely so that for all intents and purposes it is the same? Then it is in me, too, the psychotic streak. A psychotic world we live in. The madmen are in power. How long have we known this? Faced this? And – how many of...

Era come se avessi tremato per tutta la vita, a causa di una cronica corrente sotterranea di paura. Tremare, scappare, finire nei guai, perdere le persone che amavo. Come un personaggio dei cartoni animati invece di una persona, mi resi conto. Un cartone animato degli anni Trenta, ammuffito. Dietro a tutto quello che avevo fatto...

Men would have been badly in trouble if their hands didn’t fit their dick.

My love is tube shaped. Don’t let your dad stick his dick in it.

I want to make love to you, Rhone. I want to fill your ass with my penis and fuck you until you love it just as much as I do. I want to suck your dick and eat your balls until your cum coats my tongue and throat. I want you to do the same...

If looks could kill…well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.”See Dick,” Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. “Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That’s funny.

You know, take one letter out of his name and it spells ‘ damn’ as in ‘damn, that kid’s a worthless sonovabitch’.

I put the anal in analysis. Now don’t you go putting your dick in my work.

I didn’t need to be a writer to know that I could. Did you have to become a penis to act like a dick?

I didn’t shave my mustache off. Instead what I did was taped Elton John’s asshole to my top lip and then all of the sudden I had twice the dick in my mouth as before. It was almost more than I could swallow. Almost.

For a guy, nothing is sexier than a girl who craves his little guy and can’t keep her hands off of it… because this is exactly the way he feels about your ladyparts whether he’s groping them like a savage or quietly watching TV next to you.

Passion, emotion, love and romance they all look better in movies; in reality all you need is a big dick.

I’d developed an inability to demonstrate much negative emotion at all. It was another thing that made me seem like a dick – my stomach could be all oiled eels, and you would get nothing from my face and less from my words. It was a constant problem: too much control or no control at...

Diesel better have a big dick, that’s all she was saying.

Bah, Alzheimer’s. The reason my grandma can’t remember anything is because she’s always thinking about dick.

Get the point?” I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. “What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in situations like this?Too harsh?

Jane Jameson.”He grinned. “Like the porn star.”I gaped at him. “What? No, Jane Jameson.””Oh, not as fun,” he said, making disappointed clucking noises.

I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on sale today.

You’ve jerked my heart more than your dick.

I spit out to my heart and my mind. when you collect them together, they can not show the resistance of a average dick.

What was that?” Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn’t escalate to the dreaded purple nurple.

Would you kick her ass already?” Dick said, shoving me back toward Missy. “Come on, Stretch, man up. You do better than this! Get mad.”I nodded, rolling a dislocated shoulder back into place with a grunt and staggering back toward my opponent. Behind me, Zeb yelled, “She tried to hurt Fitz!” He turned to Gabriel...

Why not? If you’re not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends.””You’re a twisted little man.””Come on, Stretch, share with the class.””No!” I laughed.”Prude.””Perv.””Schoolmarm.””Some other word that essentially means perv.

DICK’S DESIREDick’s eyes-Soft, cold, and blue-Meet Devonshire’s-Dark, sexy, and yearning.Turning away-Dick grabs two packets of sugar-While Devonshire’s eyes-Are still upon him-Pondering his every move.Is Dick a playboy,A ladies’ man,A mans’ man,Or a killer?Does his sex long for,Something hard-Or something soft?Does he need cream in his coffee-The screaming splash of a man,Or the sweet flow of...

Why would anybody want dick for free?” What kind of lover would that make?

I once had a dream and then I told my friend he is such a dick his name is Richard.

If rise of sun from east and fall in the west is the indicator of God’s existence; my standing dick every morning might also prove something.

There are two things that turn a boy into a man; the size of his dick and the level of his patience.

Suck that dick” was what it was like to be God: utter confidence, utter trust, utter ease with yourself, no move you could not make, no tank top you could not wear, no guy who would not worship you, not ever. This was the end state. Bliss.