I had a dream about you. We were trying to come up with a hashtag to market our relationship. I suggested #fourlipsonekiss and #twomouthsonevoice, but you went with something confusing like #idontloveyou and #wearenotinarelationship.

It is time to buddle (scrub in water) all that is not illutile (unwash-awayable). Baudelaire said that humans were deluded if they thought they could wash away all their spots with vile tears, but Baudelaire...

The sheep, I guess demented with love, didn’t object to this at all. Casimir somehow found time to pull up some grass for it, and it lay down and munched its grass and then chewed...

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Oh, hell, he’d look hot in a chicken suit.

From the moment I was first pregnant, and those around me insisted that treats such as cold cuts and nail polish could cut my unborn child’s potential IQ in half, I got into the habit...

I dreamt it in my dream. You tried to steal my dream—the whole thing. But even though it was a dream, it was still too heavy for you to lift.

That’s the thing with Holy Moses: big as a house and scary as heck if you don’t know him, but Charley Manson and his whole family could come parading through here and he’d give them...

Let me tell you something, honey. When your boobs fall south and that pretty skin of yours looks like you’ve been tanning in a nuclear war zone, you’ll see what I mean about independence. When...

When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake.”Florence Ditlow, in “The Bakery Girls.

Love is a gift you receive by giving. The more love you give, the more love you get. Try it out today, and try it out with me. Go ahead—give me all your love.

I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good...

01210 is a pyramid, & worms move like handicapped snakes. My dream belongs in a wheelchair, because I just spilled coffee all over my sleep.

I’m probably something like 95% chicken nugget

I like the sound of that, crashing Monica’s party,” he glanced at Michael, then quickly away. “What about you? That break some kind of vampire rules or something?””Blow me Shane.””Boys,” Eve said primly. “Language. Minor...

You are evidence of your mother’s strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity.

We’re all trying to come to terms with our mortality. Well, except for me, because I plan to live forever through the miracle of cloning.

You’re probably better at math than I am, because pretty much everyone’s better at math than I am, but it’s okay, I’m fine with it. See, I excel at other, more important things—guitar, sex, and...

Don’t get mad, get everything. 🙂 Ivana Trump

Do you see that man in the black Porsche?” I asked the women.They squinted out at Ranger. “Yes,” they said.”Your partner.””He’s homeless. He’s looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in...

Sometimes when it looks like I’m deep in thought I’m just trying not to have a conversation with people.

A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years away hello. Greetings European people of 3013! I hope you still speak Europe and can understand not a word of...

The world may be running out of water, but it isn’t running low on music. Let the dancing flow!

Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid.

I had a dream about you. I had a flat tire on the interstate, which is really embarrassing for a hitchhiker who is using that tire as a substitute for pants. You were the only...

…[G]reat progress was evident in the last Congress of the American ‘Labour Union’ in that among other things, it treated working women with complete equality. While in this respect the English, and still more the...

That’s very rude,” Myrnin said. “I haven’t brought my fangs our for some time. Not in mixed company, anyway.

A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much do I charge people to buy it once I do find a reliable...

The issue, let’s pick it up in the AM. The mannequin, let’s pick it up now and dance like our stiff moves are cool and by design.

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.

Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!

Bricks could be used to neatly pack your suitcase. It would promote personal strength and frugality.

It’s hot as a watermelon in this cantaloupe called pineapple. And that’s a fact.

I’m really enjoying my solitude after feeling trapped by my family, friends and boyfriend. Just then I feel like making a resolution. A new year began six months ago but I feel like the time...

For just a second, Lauren wonders if she’s going insane. But insane people don’t think they’re insane, everybody knows that. But…since that fact of insanity is common knowledge, doesn’t that mean an insane person could...

The only book I’d read in the shower is Naked Lunch, because my bathtub is in the center of my kitchen. I make breakfast like I make love, and sometimes I’m so hungry I make...

Really now: If you can’t get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?

Sex drives the world and sex in on every human mind, be it a prophet or be it a saint, history has full of evidences.

A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to help build their future.

I was driving over the Buckman Bridge when 9/11 happened. If I’d have know my actions would directly lead to the deaths of 3,000 people, I’d have taken another bridge.

Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.

Have you ever noticed that idiots have a lot of friends? It’s just an observation.

If flip flops were oppressive, I wouldn’t wear any. I’d go around showing of my bare feet of freedom. And I’d tell everyone that freedom causes blisters.

You make all the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind.

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

A blanket could be used as a distress symbol. You’ll know I’m in danger and in need of rescue, because I’ll be asleep and completely oblivious to my surroundings.

I had a dream about you. You brought me coffee. I brought you misery. It was Starbucks’ coffee, so I thought it was a fair trade.

I don’t believe in failure. I’m perseverant – I believe in failing.