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Coffee  Quotes
A smoke, a book, a cup of coffee. These are the little things that get us through this sometimes weary world and all the rainy days.

—R.M. Engelhardt

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BooksCigarettesCoffee
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Taste of coffee varies with the person on the other end of table.

—Anonymous

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CoffeeOther-EndPerson
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You should be too busy to do coffee while keeping an uncluttered calendar.

—Naval Ravikant

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BusyCalendarCoffee
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Pretty quickly, I stopped seeing the company as an engine of community. Instead, I saw it as a mythmaker offering only an illusion of belonging and meeting its customers’ desire for connections in form, maybe,...

—Bryant Simon

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CoffeeCommunityStarbucks
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He mulled that over. “Sheriff Connally woulda let us shoot ’em.”I reached over and took his coffee away from him. “Yep. Lucian probably would have done the job himself, but we’re living in more enlightened...

—Craig Johnson

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CoffeeEnlightened-TimesSheriff
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Want coffee?” I asked, as I headed that way.”It’s three thirty in the morning.””Okay. Want coffee?

—Darynda Jones

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CharleyCoffeeHumor
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… The truth of the matter is, that most English people don’t know how to make tea anymore either, and most people drink cheap instant coffee instead, which is a pity, and gives Americans the...

—Douglas Adams

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CoffeeTea
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I’m a romantic. I like cold coffee and orgasms that arrive fifteen minutes after I’ve put on my clothes and paid the lady.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeFunnyHooker
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I would offer to meet up for some coffee, but I don’t drink coffee. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with my personal problems. It’s just that I haven’t been the same since...

—Jarod Kintz

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BurdenCoffeeFiasco
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The cup had a lot of volume, so I poured in a lot of noise and sipped it up to my ears. And what I heard didn’t smell like coffee, but it did taste like...

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeEarsHumor
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I wear glasses. They improve my hearing, Helen Keller style. And I sip coffee like a mute orator on a meteor. Drink up the deafness.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeHearingHumor
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Love is a lot like coffee, I once thought as I suckled on a milky nipple. But I was one at the time, so what did I know about coffee?

—Jarod Kintz

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BabyCoffeeHumor
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01210 is a pyramid, & worms move like handicapped snakes. My dream belongs in a wheelchair, because I just spilled coffee all over my sleep.

—Jarod Kintz

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AbsurdCoffeeComical
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The more coffee you drink, the less sleep you need. I just had a great business idea. I could rent out your bed, and with the money you’d make off it, you could buy enough...

—Jarod Kintz

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BedBusinessBusiness-Idea
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Quiet night. Silence at full capacity. Noiselessness is spilling over like a coffee cup full of jock cock. In a contact sport I’ve got to protect my genitals.

—Jarod Kintz

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BizarreCoffeeContact-Sport
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Just in general as a person, not necessarily as a songwriter, being in cities wasn’t the right fit. I couldn’t escape and be in the woods in 10 minutes if I needed to. I like...

—Justin Vernon

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CoffeeParentsWalk
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For dinner I had 20 ounces of coffee and 5 Kraft singles. Am I going to die?

—Judy Greer

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CoffeeKraftTexting
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getting lucky” means drinking an entire cup of COFFEE while it’s still HOT!

—Tanya Masse

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CoffeeCoffee-LoversHumor
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I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers… only they don’t critique me and then get up for coffee.

—Ryan Lilly

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AuthorAuthoringBook
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It’s the fine balance of caffeine and alcohol that bookends my days

—Tim Minchin

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AlcoholBalanceCaffeine
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LIFE is like coffee — The darker it gets, the more it energizes.

—Ankita Singhal

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CoffeeDark-HumorDarkness
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I like my coffee black, my beer from Germany, wine from Burgundy, the darker, the better. I like my heroes complicated and brooding, James Dean in oiled leather, leaning on a motorcycle. You know the...

—Barbara Crooker

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BeerCoffeeHeroes
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I like coffee exceedingly…

—H.P. Lovecraft

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CoffeeLovecraft
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I’ll share my life with you. But, not my doughnuts.

—Crystal Woods

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BreakfastCoffeeCohabitation
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Coffee has a way of falling into my cup the way love does not. I’m so tired of being a lone sip when I should be a chug.

—Jarod Kintz

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AloneCoffeeHumor
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When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t regret not having spent more time cleaning. Buy brown carpet, to camouflage the coffee stains.

—Jarod Kintz

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CamouflageCarpetCleaning
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I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeCompassDirection
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I write like if the color yellow had legs and could run a marathon while reclining back in a comfy sofa. I want some coffee, but I’m too lazy to get off my couch and...

—Jarod Kintz

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CarpetCoffeeComfy
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I want to roast Mr. Bean, because that’d be the funniest coffee ever. I think I’d make a great roastmaster.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeHumorMr-Bean
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The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little coffee to be able to hold it down.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeDrinkDrinking
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Check the couch cushions for change—and hope. I drink my coffee raw, straight out of the ketchup bottle.

—Jarod Kintz

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ChangeCoffeeCouch
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It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.

—Gabriel Bá

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Coffee
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They were learning that New York had another life, too — subterranean, like almost everything that was human in the city — a life of writers meeting in restaurants at lunchtime or in coffee houses...

—Malcolm Cowley

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CoffeeConversationFuture-Plans
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I’m not a purist. Coffee drinking minus cream and sugar is an acquired taste. I’m still not sure it isn’t like telling chefs to dispense with spices in cooking.

—Kevin Sinnott

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CoffeeCulinary
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Black as night, sweet as sin.

—Neil Gaiman

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AnansiBoysCoffee
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Beer for breakfast, ale for lunch, stout with dinner and a few mugs in between. The average Northern European, including women and children drank three liters of beer a day. That’s almost two six-packs, but...

—Stewart Lee

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CoffeeWorld-History
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…having nothing better to do, meandered off to a coffee shop and sat facing each other for a couple of hours, neither of them talking much but each coming to the general conclusion that the...

—Ryū Murakami

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CoffeeSilence
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Endure for another day, Mister Tannen, and you’ll have all the foul black misuse of water you can drink.

—Scott Lynch

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CoffeeFunnyWitty
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First dentistry was painless.Then bicycles were chainless,Carriages were horseless,And many laws enforceless.Next cookery was fireless,Telegraphy was wireless,Cigars were nicotineless,And coffee caffeineless.Soon oranges were seedless,The putting green was weedless,The college boy was hatless,The proper diet fatless.New...

—Arthur Guiterman

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BicyclesCigarsCoffee
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If this is decaf, I’m going to pour it on your head.

—Audrey Bell

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Coffee
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I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and grunting in frustration because my club is too thick to fit in my cup to stir in the sugar.

—Jarod Kintz

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CaveCivilizedCivilized-Man
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Growing up I was so poor I wore coffee cups as shoes. The good part was my feet never fell asleep.

—Jarod Kintz

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AsleepCoffeeHumor
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I am the coffee, and God is The Barista. Through me, he may awaken your soul. But the coffee knows not what flows through the mind of The Barista.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeFlowGod
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I drank the coffee because I was tired. I also drank the coffee because I was dominant, and it was passive and put up no fight.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeDominantDrink
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The best way to wake up is with coffee and an erection. The cool part is one can stir the other.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeErectionHumor
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I’m probably the best love you’ve never had. And why is that? Oh yeah, because I’m in a relationship with a tall cup of coffee.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeHumorLove
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Air conditioning is indoor winter. Coffee is liquid wakefulness. And my love is like For Sale, only it’s not on sale. I’m afraid there is no discount.

—Jarod Kintz

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Air-ConditioningAwakeCoffee
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Too much coffee has been spilled in the name of war. Let us love and savor every drop.

—Jarod Kintz

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CoffeeDrinkDrop
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Make time to make love. Then, after you’ve finished making love, make some coffee while I just lie in bed and quiver.

—Jarod Kintz

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BedCoffeeHumor
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I travel by foot. It’s like a wheelchair in a microwave it’s so easy to camel. I sleep on a pillow made of coffee, and I’d ask you to turn out the light when you’re...

—Jarod Kintz

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CamelCoffeeHumor
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