I refuse to dispense chewable advice for free. I’m not a bubblegum machine. No, my fees are 25 cents higher.

Chew on this fact: nine out of ten people step on bubblegum left by either me or my associates. The tenth person couldn’t step on it because he’s handicapped. But he most assuredly rolled over...

Eat Bubblegum” dance, I can’t actually perform it because my belly doesn’t bulge out far enough. When I make love it sounds like I’m chewing on a chalkboard.

I had a dream about you. You had a gun to my head, figuratively speaking. In a literal sense you were holding a needle to my temple, because I was Mr. Bubblegumhead. I just wanted...

About 5,280 feet.” It was true. Ever since the car ran out of gas a mile back, and we were forced to walk, I’ve been thinking a lot about life, love, and how much I...

I only like bubble gum if it’s flavored like the bottom of my shoe. I once stepped on my stepdad, but he was dressed like a puddle so it’s not like I’m at fault.

I’ll eat this world like coffee-flavored bubblegum. I’ll chew thoroughly before I swallow.

They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers.

If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream.