Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

A guerra é a forma de Deus en­si­nar ge­o­grafia aos ame­ri­ca­nos.

He thought he was walking along a dusty road that showed white in the gathering darkness of a summer night. Whence and whither it led, and why he traveled it, he did not know, though...

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Grief is an artist of powers as various as the instruments upon which he plays his dirges for the dead, evoking from some the sharpest, shrillest notes, from others the low, grave chords that throb...

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.A striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average...

BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

Idiot – A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action,...

History – An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters.

On this night I had searched for them without success, fearing to find them; they were nowhere in the house, nor about the moonlit dawn. For, although the sun is lost to us for ever,...

HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or...

Grammar, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet of the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.

This is only a record of broken and apparently unrelated memories, some of them as distinct and sequent as brilliant beads upon a thread, others remote and strange, having the character of crimson dreams with...

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

Hash, x. There is no definition for this word – nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and...

From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream that seemed to plash against the intercepting branches and trickle to earth, forming small white pools among the clumps...

Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

In the presence of death reason and philosophy are silent

Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.

Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live!

Aphorism, n. Predigested wisdom.

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own...

When he had ended, the holy hermit was a moment silent, then said: “My son, I have attended to thy story and I know the maiden. I have myself seen her, as have many. Know,...

You scoundrel, you have wronged me,” hissed the philosopher, “May you live forever!

You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, … but it probably helps.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in...

DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world’s worship.