Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.

This is only a record of broken and apparently unrelated memories, some of them as distinct and sequent as brilliant beads upon a thread, others remote and strange, having the character of crimson dreams with...

Hash, x. There is no definition for this word – nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and...

From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream that seemed to plash against the intercepting branches and trickle to earth, forming small white pools among the clumps...

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

In the presence of death reason and philosophy are silent

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.

Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.

Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live!

Aphorism, n. Predigested wisdom.

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own...

When he had ended, the holy hermit was a moment silent, then said: “My son, I have attended to thy story and I know the maiden. I have myself seen her, as have many. Know,...

You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, … but it probably helps.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

You scoundrel, you have wronged me,” hissed the philosopher, “May you live forever!

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in...

DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world’s worship.

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods....

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise...

The exhilaration of battle was agreeable to him, but the sight of the dead, with their clay faces, blank eyes, and stiff bodies, which, when not unnaturally shrunken, were unnaturally swollen, had always intolerably affected...

In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.

AMNESTY, n. The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

His act was rather that of a harmless lunatic than an enemy. We were not so new to the country as not to know that the solitary life of many a plainsman had a tendency...

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter’s field I shall soon have both. What wealth!

POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

They were obviously headstones of graves, though the graves themselves no longer existed as either mounds or depressions; the years had leveled all. Scattered here and there, more massive blocks showed where some pompous or...

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

Beware of the compound adjective, beloved of the tyro and the ‘poetess’.

What did I fear, and why? — I, to whom the night had beena more familiar facethan that of man —I, in whom that element of hereditary superstition from which none of us is altogether...