Tempting,” Percy called down.

When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

If you’re wearing a space suit, I’ll take a unicrescent sandwich; hold the mayonnaise—and the moon. (But don’t hold it in your hands.) Let us dance like the moon is hollow and inhabited by beings...

Don’t eat ’til you’re full; eat ’til you’re tired.

Marko Vešović sjedi u Staroj Grčkoj na bijelom kamenu…nad njim nebo..

…You have any suggestions, make them. I’m in charge but humble. No need to salute when you see me.” Fraser said, “Mind if we snicker every once in a while behind your back?” “Hell, no,”...

What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!

For most of my life, I would have automatically said that I would opt for conscientious objector status, and in general, I still would. But the spirit of the question is would I ever, and...

He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in...

We were just looking at maps…

I keep my socks in a filing cabinet, if that tells you what kind of lover I am.

To be the best, you have to do what nobody does. And nobody does nothing great anymore, which is why I’ll be great by doing nothing great.

Different people have different ideas. We need to kill them—the ideas, not the people. The people we just need to torture.

I’m very much afraid I didn’t mean anything but nonsense.

When it came time for me to give my talk on the subject, I started off by drawing an outline of the cat and began to name the various muscles.The other students in the class...

I remind you that I have no faith. If I sought God, I find myself.

I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.

THE WOMAN WAS GOING TO KILL HIM, and not because she was stronger and more vicious than he was. Which, if he thought about it, she was. He’d never ripped a man’s throat out with...

Si al final mis problemas no eran solubles, cuando menos serían adulterables.

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.

If you convert a shower curtain to a dress, I’ll wear my waterproof dancing shoes. Together we’ll move so fluidly people will line up to get cleansed.

Love is the gap between the blackness and the emptiness. Of course, there are also times when love isn’t so cheery and gets really dark and lonely.

You are an interesting man, David Charleston, but you sound like you were an even more interesting child.

void”. Are a bit whorish in that the instant you walk away from them in less than a minute they’ll be all over someone else, and the moment you actually need them they’re nowhere to...

I had a dream about you. We watched the sunset together like a couple of perverts in a peep show. I really liked your idea of cutting a hole in a sheet of plywood, because...

CHEERS, CARTER. At least you have the sense to hand me the microphone for important things.Honestly, he drones on and on about his plans for the Apocalypse, but he makes no plans at all for...

The world is my canvas, and my ponytail is my paintbrush. Helen Keller probably had a ponytail too, though my art has more vision. Barely.

PDF—is it a document type, or Public Display of ‘Fection? I’ll let you know after I print it out and cuddle with it.

I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that ‘the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is...

Is good story.

I look up in the sky, what do I see? Well blue.

I think I have a strange thing growing out of my neck that causes me to think too much.

Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.Don’t die.I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You’re already dead.He laughed. You know, for once, it’s good...

As an artist, I’m aspiring for a Triple George—being compared to George Orwell, George Carlin, and Curious George.

I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it.

OCD, ADHD—pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I’d have it.

You can’t make footprints in the sands of time if you’re sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?

How I should despise such a thing if I were a man. What a nose she has! what a chin! what a neck! Then her eyes–and the worst kissing lips in the universe.

A brick could be used to create a new society, a perfect society, where there is no inequality, there are no laws, and most importantly, there are no people.

But then, even with cuts, bruises and blood all over him, he looked like his jackass self again.”- Alex Gold

I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real.

Toothpaste Tuesday—bring in your favorite toothpaste-covered t-shirt and win free condoms. Remember to smile, because life goes on.

If I were king, I wouldn’t pay you the money I owe you. I’d give you a far more valuable gift: the gift of life—your own. Yes, you’d get to keep it!

Niches set back in the walls contained polished marble statues of entwined bodies. Will looked away from them hastily, and then back. It wasn’t as if Magnus seemed to be paying attention to what Will...

My Aunt Dahlia, who runs a woman’s paper called Milady’s Boudoir, had recently backed me into a corner and made me promise to write her a few words for her “Husbands and Brothers” page on...

A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle this morning, only I wielded a sword—and an erection made of sleep.

Just because you’re beautiful and perfect, it’s made you conceited.

I had a dream about you. We were debating the nature of love, and you said it was invisible, and I said it was the color of gold. You accused me of being a banker,...