COMEDIAN: […] What is it you do for a living?HECKLER: I mind my own business.COMEDIAN: Self-employed, eh? No really, what do you do?HECKLER: I try not to “do.

I guess sometimes the truth just isn’t worth believing… Personally, I’ve always felt that life’s too short for truth. I’m just here to be entertained.

The trouble with believing conspiracies is you start seeing them everywhere, right? And everything becomes a part of them. But, of course, the trouble with not believing them is becoming a dupe.

HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don’t do requests.

My dad used to tell me that laughter was like a cough or a sneeze – the body’s way of trying to expel something. But instead of some phlegm in your throat, or some dust...

Explanations are for cowards.