Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.

Her albino hair illuminated my dreams, shining brighter than moonlight.

I saw a white toilet, with no plumbing, alone in a field of snow. Well, almost alone. There were two naked albinos and a polar bear sitting on it, and I felt inspired to write...

The moon is an orbital albino, and it gets tons of sunlight, so I propose Operation Sunscreen, where astronauts coat the surface of the moon with a protective layer of sunscreen. If you care about...

Love is like trying to wrestle an albino. It’s tough because they’re slippery and all lubed up with sunscreen.

I went on a blind date last night. We watched a silent film. We stayed up all night talking in sign language. I fell asleep in the fetal position in her cat’s litter box. Ah,...

I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup?

My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.

I don’t care if I’m on the moon, the party is on the sun, and I am an albino, you should still invite me.

I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).

I had a dream about you. We made love like two albinos in the snow. Even though I could see everything, I couldn’t see anything.

The spotlight hides blemishes, and shadows hide from the brightness. When love shines down on you, you’ll be glad you purchased your Albino Survival Kit, available for sale starting at $99.99.