Some of us feel the need to experience life before bending to the will of an arcane society.

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.

And just because you don’t have to insert batteries into him doesn’t mean you can’t be more.

Chapter 1:I suggest you icksnay on the artalecsmay.

In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today?

He’d only ever seen her twice, only talked to her once, but as he now gazed upon her, he realized that he’d missed her all day long.

Does getting nailed by a werewolf count as bestiality?

It’s complicated. He’s not…’ Human? ‘He’s playing hard to get.

She was starting to think that it might be fun to be in control of the universe.

That’s all women need men for? Sperm, a paycheck, and free flights?

You might not believe in the devil, but do you believe evil lurks in this world?

C’mon good girl, be bad.

In truth, Liesel was a prisoner too, just held by different kinds of bonds.

Vibrizzio? You named it! Okay, this isn’t even close to healthy.

Given his personality, I’d say exorcism makes perfect sense as a favored pastime.

I’m not sitting back here with another dude while there are two perfectly doable females in the car.

I’m glad she’s so smitten with her new huntsman boyfriend and all, but venison-wurst? Gag me with a harpsichord.

My imagination plus Vibrizzio is not only equal to but also greater than a real man. Why should I settle for second best?

I was hoping to find a way out of here and instead found you.

I asked my interior designer to give me something appropriate for defiling virgins.

Where did you think playing with angels was going to get you?

He met each newly exposed piece of flesh with a tender kiss, remembering how he’d dreamed of doing exactly this on the very first night he’d seen her.

The Old Testament is actually pretty raunchy. You might enjoy it.

It was simply a matter of asking him to remove the tie from his head before he made love to her.

It’s like a meatloaf.

No amount of wavy blond hair nor evenings spent with her plump lips applying just the right amount of pressure to his various pleasure points could make up for the rotting carcass of a soul...

Oh.” It was one those ohs that came packed with layers of meaning — none of which merely meant oh.

What Hans had intended to end at a simple kiss quickly escalated into something neither one of them seemed able to stop.

The candle’s flame washed her in a sensual bath of pulsating light, and Hans became entranced by the soft glow upon her skin.

She didn’t dare expose her heart the way she’d exposed her body.

He’s so outta my league, we’re not even playing the same sport… He’s professional soccer in Europe and I’m intramural badminton in the States.

You have a travel vibrator, so I assume you call this one your house vibrator. Store one in your dashboard for a car vibrator too? What about your desk at work? And do they each...

You mean she saw his next meal.

She stared stupidly into his eyes, thinking about how very much she’d like to make that noise again…with him.

You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.

One day she was going to be found dead mid-hump on a polyurethane phallus

Nobody knew exactly how the zombification process worked, and there were as many different strains as theories.

How do you possibly manage to turn talk of an angel into something perverted?

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?

What exactly does that expression even mean? An ass that won’t quit? Think about the primary function of an ass—I’d think that’s the sort of thing you might want to quit.

Son of a Merryweather, he’s a lot stronger than he looks.