Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

…indeed, with the Radletts, you never could tell. Why, for instance, would Victoria bellow like a bull and half kill Jassy whenever Jassy said, in a certain tone of voice, pointing her finger with a...

Don’t talk while you’re talking. It interrupts me.

No, I do my torturing in the dungeon like any other respectable castle owner,

If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.

Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence.

Give a poet a pen

Cats don’t need to be possessed; they’re evil on their own.

Love is as old as time, though it is considerably more difficult to stuff inside a watch.

Regardless of what I think about Islam or Wicca or any other religion, the fact is that it’s a group of people. Every faith has its ceremonies. And since it’s made up of people, every...

A brick could be used as a key to unlock a door disguised as a brick wall. The security in the lock lies not with a one-of-a-kind key, but with a key that looks like...

the onewho gave me the seed which allowed for your presence.

Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.

Ci sono divergenze di natura teologica su… Vediamo, per esempio sulla raffigurazione latina del purgatorio. – C’è qualcuno a cui frega una cippa di minchia della raffigurazione latina del purgatorio? – reagisce Dio, versandosi dell’altro...

You cannot function in an unction you don’t take action on.

My job is to scream cockle-doodle-doo. Don’t blame me if the sun doesn’t rise.

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he’s a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done....

Love is a hooray in your heart. How can I describe how I feel about her except to say it’s almost like swimming in hot nacho cheese sauce, being chased down by a stoned Michael...

After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round....

That’s it, Uncle Huey!” Imogene Duckworthy whipped off her apron and flung it onto the slick, stainless steel counter. “I quit!” If only her voice didn’t sound so young.

You did. You shot me in the leg. But you can’t kill love that easily. And today you’re going to learn how deadly Love can be.” That was over four years ago, and I’m still...

Peace be with you,” I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, “and asskicking be with me.

Life is tough, then you die.

I’m just going to keep plugging away until I find success—or an electrical socket that works. This is the secret to gaining worldly power.

I’d rather be known as a freak than a science project.

A lot of who you were in middle age was determined before you had a chance to manipulate, control, or eve understand the things around you. It was no mystery, he thought, why some old...

I’m as thirsty as an elephant penis in the snow. I’m ready to love again.

Magda was reading a book by a Trappist, in a better mood, and I was sitting on the edge of the bed, fingering my useless map.

Who’d pay more to get less? Only a fool—or a government agency.

I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad!

Really the only time men and women get along is when women want sex.

You bastard, stop that whistling and fight me like a man!

I’m walking downstairs and upstairs at the same time. I’m in love.

Nice to meet you, Dick,” Drew retorted.

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, ‘Don’t abuse me like your parents abuse you!’ Then call children’s services...

If I met a man who had eleven sons, the first thing I’d ask is, Are they all yours? And of course the next question I’d ask is, which one plays quarterback and which one...

Smiles are a funny thingand laughter is hilarious.I smile sometimeswhen I am delirious.

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by...

I’m crazy in love. I’m just crazy.

If you make some comment even obliquely alluding to menstruation or menopause and its effect on my judgment,” Murphy interrupted, “I will break your arm in eleven places.

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.

I love you” can stop bleeding faster than a Band-Aid. It’s true. It worked for me after I stabbed my grandpa.

Let me guess, you’re Harry Potter and this is the school of Hogwarts. If I say Lumos will it light up?

Non mi piacciono i matrimoni combinati. Ci sono sbagli dei quali non bisognerebbe mai poter incolpare i propri poveri genitori.

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves...

In some stories, it’s easy. The moral of “The Three Bears,” for instance, is “Never break into someone else’s house.” The moral of “Snow White” is “Never eat apples.” The moral of World War One...

I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.

I have family all over. And when they’re all over, I leave the house and go anywhere else.

Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked?Jace: I was following...

Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.