If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.

Come Hell or High Water” usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.

The skanky vamp biting for bucks on the dark end of state street is your ex boyfriend?” William asked. The look on William’s face implied he hoped I washed after interacting with Parrish

Nix had told Emma before she’d left for Europe that on this trip she would ‘do that which you were born to do.’ Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her...

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.

And sometimes when I’m feeling really evil, I read books or paint.

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those...

I have very happy memories of fairy tales. My mother used to take me to the library in Toronto to check out the fairy tales. And she was an actress, so she used to act...

Wisdom of the Ages: “Unsuccessful pick-up lines” ‘My parole ends today, let’s celebrate!

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

I was never afraid of anything in the world except the dentist.

[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou’s shirt causing it to rip in two ]Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn’t just happen Kagura: My love !Kyo Sohma: My...

It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague.

A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy’Albert Einstein

What happened?” he asked brusquely, interrupting me. “What do you mean, what happened?””I sensed your fear, heard you call out my name.””I…no, I didn’t.” Stone Wall, I told myself. Great Wall of China, around my...

A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert themselves up my anus, and both failed to penetrate me (though Kansas got...

So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me?” No, she did not just say that. Did she?

What was that you gave me to eat?” Winter panicked.A Filler Crisp,” Clover said, his eyes seventy percent concerned and thirty percent mischievous.

The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.

Finally, we entered Chetaube County, my imaginary birthplace, where the names of the little winding roads and minuscule mountain communities never failed to inspire me: Yardscrabble, Big Log, Upper, Middle and Lower Pigsty, Chicken Scratch,...

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.””The better to style with, my dear.

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face.

Civilization begins with distillation

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we’re good with our mouths too…(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)

If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace?

Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?

You will stay with me. You will sleep here at my side and you will touch me. I am depressed but not when you stroke my chest.

The wall of silence that exists between us is as long as the Great Wall of China. And though it’s the same length, our wall is about two bricks quieter.

We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended.””Grandad,” the kids said, “you are full of schist.” “I’m not kidding!” he protested.

The Decision…I wiped my hands on my pinaforenow sullied and stainednot crisp or pressedas it had been before…

I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who...

Oh, my dear! I’m afraid you’ve mistakenme for someone else! My name is Rhea Silvia. I was the mother to Romulus and Remus, thousands of years ago. But you’re so kind to think I look...

Honestly, he could be adorable, and at the moment she had the feeling he wasn’t even trying.

I don’t know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

When I need some striking inspiration about deep depression for my new painting, I just need to go to check my bank account…

Nothing like that.

The queen’s eyes smouldered. “I know my own kind when I see them, and right now there is one in these city walls.” She pointed a finger toward the balcony.”I want her found and brought...

Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY!

There you are. A simple commandment. Not ten of them, just one: ‘Thou shalt not eat.’ (Personally, I wish the very first edict from God hadn’t involved dieting, don’t you?)

It’s all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage.

So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.

You’re not?

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.

She’d had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche.