His heart beat so rapidly it might burst; he kept telling himself everything was fine so long as he remained a giraffe.

Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things.

They also have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

I like to bunch words together to form new words, like “off” and “ice” to form “office.” But I have no idea what an office is, because I avoid work like the plague. Is office...

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan’s Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.

My love is in the shape of a car, and when it hits you you’ll notice.

He bursts into tears, and not some manlike tears either, where you pretend you’re brushing something off your face and, incidentally, wipe a tear. Nope. He starts bawling like a kid who spilled his Slushie…

I loved her bravely, like a fighter turned sprinter. I loved her so fiercely that I never even dared speak of my feelings. And because I displayed as much passion as a statue, our relationship...

Jeez, you’re strong.” And you, Sam, are a conversational reject.

I like you, and I, like you, love me.

Well, that our main concern is that Iraq should not become a divided country.

What does it say about me that I don’t say much? It doesn’t say I love you, and that’s sad, because when I ignore you, that’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you.

When those lips engulfed my head, I said to myself later, ‘nothing else will ever touch this scalp again’. I couldn’t help it, though. I lathered sunscreen on it unthinkingly the next day before I...

I sorted my sordid sort ofs from my maybes. Then I made love like never before. Seriously, I’d never made love before, and I have to say, it didn’t cost me as much money as...

Our nannas are losers.

I’m now ‘Doctor’ to the patients and I have to cover my ignorance by waving my arms and looking grave.

Okay, you gotta be nice to him, ” I say, coaxing the white fur-ball into my hands. “I will,” Nate says, and I smile over my shoulder. “I was actually talking to Mr. Pippi. He’s...

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day,” Raquel said firmly. “And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.

If ye canna see the bright side o’ life, polish the dull side

I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I...

It would actually constitute more than a miracle, he realised. It would take divine intervention plus luck, plus some unknown element of cosmic wizardry.

It’s said that sport is the civilised society’s substitute for war, and also that the games we play as children are designed to prepare us for the realities of adult life. Certainly it’s true that...

If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.

I dance for a living. At the early bird special you can find me—doing the worm.

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

In this world only the paranoid survive.

You’re 16 years old, you don’t know shit about shit, and PULL UP YOU’RE PANTS!!!

Yeah, okay. You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for...

Shindana na wenzako kuwa juu zaidi katika tasnia uliyojichagulia.

A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all over the carpet.

Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I’d obviously stop. And then I’d watch you die.”Kate to Will

A blanket could be used to make people smile. But the blanket won’t make just anyone smile—it will make people with no mouths smile. I plan on showing a live audience how it works at...

We insist,” I tossed in.

A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.

That’s enough, Phineas,” said Dumbledore.

I can’t go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it’s a bad idea.”He was quiet for a second. “God,” he said. “I should’ve just paid for it myself. Should’ve just taken you straight from...

Oh. That’s okay then. ’Cause I really like bacon.

Could the two people who are making out please be quiet?” the Colonel asked loudly from his sleeping bag. “Those of us who are not making out are drunk and tired.

I don’t like sleeping in the dark jungle by myself.Ren

It’s funny. No matter how hard you try, you can’t close your heart forever. And the minute you open it up, you never know what’s going to come in. But when it does, you just...

A brick could be used to tell the world’s largest Yes what you really want to tell it, which is no. Tell that Yes no now, and use a brick to help you do it.

Do you see that man in the black Porsche?” I asked the women.They squinted out at Ranger. “Yes,” they said.”Your partner.””He’s homeless. He’s looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in...

A brick could be used to declare war on a country made of glass. I’ll bet those citizens would love to drink vodka dyed blue like window cleaner.

Manners, boy. I’ll beat them into you if I have to.

A brick could be used to illustrate your innocence. I can help you with that, because I brought a crayon.

Why did you tell her I’m your boyfriend? Why doesn’t she know about your real one? – TimmyHe’s English! And Mom…Mom hates foreigners! – Cat

A brick could be used to stop a murder. Just wedge it in front of the door of the murderer, and enclose him in his room.

. . . and together you’re what, the Super Friends?