It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if...

Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.

Maybe she’s preemptively getting her karmic backlash for that, but there’s something icky about all this. Yes, the “hello, boys” chest like two friendly chinchillas, Bigfoot ball stomper Lara Croft was oversexualized, but this is...

The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn’t

This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could...

So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.

There’s something terribly weird about the standard fantasy setting–not least of which the fact the phrase “standard fantasy setting” can be uttered without irony.

Well we’ve left behind the 200X’s, and we move onto the 20XX’s. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we’re living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone...

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.

My non American viewers. Who understand that the world does not consist solely of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of migrant workers. Will no doubt have heard that the waters surrounding Brisbane...

it’s difficult to root for America when the villains of the story live in a ditch and are armed with jagged rocks. At some point in recent years they looked up from their international heroism...

I could think of no better place to secretly murder someone than inside a fridge. Well, actually there were probably several better ones, but none came to mind at the time.