I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor...

I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed...

Great food also had the ability to attract great talent. “I don’t know what to do,” senior engineer Luiz Barroso moaned to Jeff Dean the night he had to decide whether to join VMWare or...

Being diagnosed with spatial orientation phenomenon can turn a person’s whole world upside up.

You know what people are doing on the other side of the world, what’s happening on another planet, but not what’s going on inside the person next to you.

Most men don’t seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire.” ~ Liberty Jones

On the Kite, the situation was being ‘workshopped’. This is the means by which people who don’t know anything get together to pool their ignorance.

What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing myself. Am I the ideal leader? Let’s just say that if...

I’ll write something that’s 111% true. It’ll be so true that it’ll be 100% false.

Secret 48617.0. If you’re TDY in Ottawa, the only thing worse than CSIS giving you a bad time is CSIS attempting to show you a good one.

Love has an enormous spectrum of expression and impact. At the far end, it begins to unravel and move away from subjective experience and personal preference. It becomes pure intent, something that no longer tickles...

Was this some new level of depravity? Had he developed a spinster fetish?

None could guess my confusion, my host of deluded illusions and elusive delusions! A mantle of marble hiding a crumbling core of sandstone. See how they stare at me, wondering, all wondering, at my secret...

A lifestyle of deception is hard to keep up if your clones aren’t willing to participate.

A slinky is a toy made for stairs, but that’s entirely too tiresome. What about a toy for escalators that doesn’t move and does nothing and that’s the whole point? I think Americans would relate...

Laughter and imagination can overcome any ill-felt sensations.

What’s that supposed to mean? A wolf’s head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

Ayame: “Yuki, let’s deepen the bond between us brothers!”Yuki: “Before you can do that I’ll drown you in the deepest part of that lake.”Ayame: “As long as we spend time together.”Yuki: “On second thought, go...

He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn’t going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses.

But it is cute. It’s such a boy thing to do.Drop dead.Aw, you say the most romantic things.

I would crack a smile, but I don’t like breaking things.

I need COFFEE to help me change the things I can… and WINE to help me accept the things I can’t!

To insult someone we call him ‘bestial’. For deliberate cruelty and nature, ‘human’ might be the greater insult.

I looked down at the brochure nearest me.”We’re going to Nigeria,” I threatened. “I hope you like elephant polo.” -Liberty Jones

What’s it like being drunk? Like being awake and asleep at the same time.

Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Gran follows recipes by looking at picture—to the eye, delicious; to the tongue, boiled socks. Makes you wanna cry really.

There was something ghost-like and insubstantial about gases to these early chemists. They called liquids that turned into gases easily, “spirits.” Methyl alcohol, they called “wood spirit”; ethyl alcohol, “wine spirit.” Even today, alcoholic beverages...

I think you learn more if you’re laughing at the same time.

On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth was still flat, and people dreamed often of falling over edges.

Rejoice in the rain. Pretend you’ve just exited the desert.” I knew my words impacted her because she shivered in delight. I should be a politician.

Jersey Shore has killed more brain cells than alcohol, cocaine, and meth combined.

If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going...

I know a lot about birds and bees, but I don’t know very much about the birds and the bees. Everything I do know I had to teach myself on the Internet, because I don’t...

I mean, wha comfort does pretendin to be a Buddhist or wharrever give him? What’s wrong with pretendin to be a Catholic like the rest of us?

I am a fisherman, a hunter, and a lover. A lover of men, not animals. And by men I mean women.

He has wisdom beyond his years. He’s 87-years-old, and he’s at least as wise as an 88-year-old.

Focus. She’s Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane’s butt like that? ~ Zach

Blankets could be used as tents. That would free up tents to be used as portable sex stalls.

…I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.’What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.’Employers sense in me a denial of their values.’ He rolled over onto his back....

We’re different, you and I. I am a Rorschach Test, and you, you are a butterfly. No, wait, you are a bat. Actually, you are the Galapagos Islands. Or perhaps you are a failed Pollack...

It’s always sunny in the Sunshine State. Except for at night.

Surely this marked a new level of achievement in his amatory career. Never before had he charmed the frock off a woman with talk of mathematics. Never before would he have thought to try.

A brick could help get your unruly hair under control, by getting at the root of the problem—your skull. Increase force as necessary.

I have never voted in my life… I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it’s certain they will win.

Art is like a kite with an airplane propeller, OK? Artists are like people who have scuba tanks for lungs, OK? And critics are like a box of forgotten leftovers in my fridge from a...

I don’t have any inkling what to do with all the ink in this digital age. Maybe I’ll write a bunch of love letters to a dead author. Who moved my mayonnaise?

Laughter isn’t a sign of insanity but a shield against it.

A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you know?

When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore.