From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!

Holy crap!” Xavier blurted

Tout les jours you are coming some fresh game or other on me, mais vous ne pouvez pas play this savon dodge on me twice!

People can only grow, stagnate, or regress. Which one are you doing? I’m both growing and stagnating, because I’m learning every day, so I’m growing, but since learning has become a habit and I do...

What are you talking about?” Narcissus demanded. “I am amazing. Everyone knows this.””Amazing at pure suck,” Leo said. “If I was as suck as you, I’d drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.

Are you French?’ I asked instead.’Oui!’Foreign. Foreign spy. French Communist Party acted on Stalin’s instructions during part of World War II. French Communist spy.Stop it stop it stop itI turned to Art, a black kid...

moo” into a glass of water, hoping to change the structure of each water molecule into the shape of a cow. I felt like drinking a steak.

[Rayleen talking to Billy.] “Grace is thriving here, and I dare anybody to challenge that. Anybody who has a problem with that can come take it up with me.””Thank God,” Billy said, “because I really...

He had had much experience of physicians, and said ‘the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not’.

I showed my concern by showing her my penis. Was that not appropriate behavior at a funeral? What better way to display a lifetime of love that’s been zipped away from the eyes of world?

Me neither,” Leo admitted.

Good days are ahead of me. But so is the worst day of my life—my last day. I need a cup of coffee large enough to take a bath in.

I was naked, except for two shower caps on my feet. Gotta save water somehow.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.

I had been to school most all the time, and could spell, and read, and write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to six times seven is thirty-five, and I don’t...

To begin perfect happiness at the respective ages of twenty-six and eighteen, is to do pretty well; and professing myself moreover convinced, that the General’s unjust interference, so far from being really injurious to their...

Frank stared at her. “But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters.”Iris looked horrified. “Oh, they’re not Ding Dongs.”She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes that looked exactly like...

The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.

We made love like Mondays on the moon at noon. I was her Neil Armstrong, and she was my midnight.

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He’s one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

Nous esperons que notre grand-père vivra encore longtemps.

I had a dream about you. Aside from you, The Carpenter was also there. I was a cross between a hammer and a nail, and I was looking for a way to build myself up....

Just don’t ask me to deliver any more satyr babies and we’ll get along great.

Finally Marcus stepped forward. “If you insist on going through me to get him, it’s your call. But I warn you, I will probably cry when you hurt me, and you’ll fell bad about it...

I asked for a small drink, but he didn’t ask me what cup size. What, will a small not fit in a large?

To Kalist, Baumauer’s just a timber bridge in need of a good hot fire.

Mermon’s tiny black dot eyes managed to widen into larger black dots. “No, no, no, Sir. I was just… curious.” “Curiosity is a good thing, like onion soup. But too much onion soup makes you...

I am a man of action, like a statue of a guy running. In business, when a salesman and a customer race each other, both win.

People often attribute their successes to skill, and their failures to unfortunate circumstances. It’s like if I win it’s because I’m good, and if I lose it’s because I’m unlucky. With every victory, I amplify...

No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears

I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every pore on my body is dry.

The party was dry, she was wet, and the sky was in the middle (cloudy, but no rain). Love was in the air, and that’s why I brought an umbrella.

You need a father figure in your life.

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket.

Love is a lot like bowling, I thought as I drove by a boarded up and abandoned bowling alley. Like the economy, I’ve made a full recovery since we broke up.

I don’t understand humans.” Caradoc shook his head. “It takes their brightest minds decades to plan an unmanned voyage to the nearest planet, which can take a year to travel each way. Yet they expect...

Like…um, the Little Mermaid?

Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings

The best way to get America back to work, and reduce our deficit, is hire all the photographers in the country, position them on street corners, and have them take pictures of all the license...

This was the move that was supposed to sweep me away. She seemed a little out of practice. I guess life with Charley Royce hadn’t exactly been the third reel of The English Patient. It...

A brick is……… Well it’s a bloody brick what more do you want from me?

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

But you can’t stay with people because of guilt. Or because they can drive a speedboat.

In other words – and this is the rock-solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation’s Galaxywide success is founded – their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.

My favorite flower is the tulip. I’m crazy like Holland about them. I’ll even pay as much as $1,637 for one.

Sometimes your own tongue can make you deaf and dumb.

You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don’t look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma’am.””Sit up. Arf,” I teased.”What about her?”...

I have a meeting with McConnell and Baroja tomorrow at ten A.M. to review some procedures,” he said. Now, that was the J.B. I knew. Never mind the demon attack; procedures needed reviewing.

The earth has lots of love to give, if you just know where to dig. My advice is start in the cemetery.