We go into the natural world and we plunder it for its resources — we feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow, and when she gives birth, we steal her baby even though her cries...

This was a dairy cow, and dairy cows have IDs on them. The ID was traced back to the farm in Washington. It’s a dairy farm. And that farm now has been quarantined, and the...

That sure as fuck ain’t no cow

But you know, even worrying about haircuts couldn’t depress me. Because every time I started sinking low, I’d just remember about football. All this time I’d thought I wanted to be a trainer, when it...

I’m in the bovine department. That’s where I’ll see a cow wearing a leather jacket. It’s so cold here that I can almost see Putin’s nipples.

On the frozen tundra, I milked a cow and pumped out ice cream. Strangely, it had chunks of strawberries in it.

I felt like eating steak, but instead I took my cow for a walk. I mean dog.

moo” into a glass of water, hoping to change the structure of each water molecule into the shape of a cow. I felt like drinking a steak.

A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love.

Nothing is worse than being alone on the evening of the day when one’s cow has exploded.

As writers we live life twice, like a cow that eats its food once and then regurgitates it to chew and digest it again. We have a second chance at biting into our experience and...

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

I don’t believe that you have to be a cow to know what milk is.

A cow’s heaven is a flower’s idea of hell.