True love is rare, like a good steak. Help me cut it up.

I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.- Simon Hunt

I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.

The living have love for the dead, but the dead have no love for the living. I ought to know, because I’d like the steak—medium rare—mashed potatoes, green beans, and a salad on the side....

I’ll stop eating steak when you stop killing spiders.” Absurdity: comparing cows to spiders. Arachnids are pure evil. They’re like a cigarette manufacturer or a terrorist. They’re organized religion on eight legs.

The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.

My favorite animal is steak.

There is only one right way to eat a steak – with greed in your heart and a smile on your face.

Sometimes sushi is just superb, and other times there’s nothing like a great big steak. It depends where your taste buds are at the time.

The myriad of flavors explode on my tongue, shimmy through my mouth, slap my taste buds and call them filthy bastards, and I love it.

I felt like eating steak, but instead I took my cow for a walk. I mean dog.

moo” into a glass of water, hoping to change the structure of each water molecule into the shape of a cow. I felt like drinking a steak.

A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love.