I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a ‘possum stuck in your collar?

You know, maybe we don’t need enemies.””Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

HOBBES:If you don’t get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.

You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.’ ‘That’s why animals are so soft and huggy.

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I’ve got a great word and it’s on a “Double word score” box! Hobbes: “ZQFMGB” isn’t a word! It doesn’t even have a vowel! Calvin: It is...

You can present the material, but you can’t make me care.

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?!...

As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He’s one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?

Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse

I wish people were more like animals. Animals don’t try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren’t conditional about friendships. Animals like you just...

Calvin : There’s no problem so awful, that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse.

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn’t make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn’t he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn’t exist what’s the...

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.””Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.””We need...

The world isn’t fair, Calvin.””I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

A day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do.

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

How come we play war and not peace?””Too few role models.

I’m a misunderstood genius.””What’s misunderstood?””Nobody thinks I’m a genius.

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said ‘I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?

Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God?Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.-Hobbes

Now what state do you live in?”Denial.

From now on I’ll connect the dots my own way.

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I’d say our afternoon just got booked solid!

We don’t value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there’s no pleasure in creating things and no...

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a “graphic novel,” but comic books are still incredibly stupid.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.

BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!

From now on, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success…. I’m just here to cash in.

Calvin:”It says here that ‘religion is the opiate of the masses.’…what do you suppose that means?”Television: “…it means that Karl Marx hadn’t seen anything yet

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.

That’s the whole problem with science. You’ve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.

CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I’ll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

HOBBES:All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I’m cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!