Nous esperons que notre grand-père vivra encore longtemps.

I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the...

I’d like to spend money on a wallet, but if I spent money on a wallet, I’d have none left over to fill it with. At least my heart is full of love, even though...

Just don’t ask me to deliver any more satyr babies and we’ll get along great.

Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry” said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron’s raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying “oh you know what I mean – Goyle’s Potion looked like bogies.

It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.

Mermon’s tiny black dot eyes managed to widen into larger black dots. “No, no, no, Sir. I was just… curious.” “Curiosity is a good thing, like onion soup. But too much onion soup makes you...

I want certain conversations to come equipped with antilock brakes, especially if I’m talking to a real airbag.

Be true to who you are as a person. Or, if you’re a politician, be true to who you are as an animal. Actually, to be true as a politician you have to be false.

People often attribute their successes to skill, and their failures to unfortunate circumstances. It’s like if I win it’s because I’m good, and if I lose it’s because I’m unlucky. With every victory, I amplify...

No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears

This is the fast lane, folks…and some of us like it here.

G. I. Gurdieff, “Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson”So-and-so-and-so-must-be; do-not-do-what-must-not-be. Mullah’s favorite saying. p. 598

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket.

My ex-girlfriend was exquisite, while my current girlfriend is merely quisite. The ex always makes the past seem more excellent than the present.

Would you mind terribly if instead of serving desert, I masturbated quietly at the dinner table? I’m training for Congress.

I don’t understand humans.” Caradoc shook his head. “It takes their brightest minds decades to plan an unmanned voyage to the nearest planet, which can take a year to travel each way. Yet they expect...

Like…um, the Little Mermaid?

Wild!” Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. “I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again… and again… and again…

Being negative, that’s no good. Also, being no good is no good. By your silence I can tell that you love me. Either that or you’re a disciple of Helen Keller.

A brick is……… Well it’s a bloody brick what more do you want from me?

I Think, Therefore I Am … I Think …

Some breakfast food manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer’s mash, and the sweepings of racing...

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

But you can’t stay with people because of guilt. Or because they can drive a speedboat.

Yeah you can have a word,” said Harry savagely. “Good-bye.

Abstain from reading comedy or other government economic statistics.

You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don’t look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma’am.””Sit up. Arf,” I teased.”What about her?”...

Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says, interpolate the opposite.

I ordered an extra large handshake to go, but I had no idea it would be so greasy—or that it would leave a stain on my crotch. Ugh, politics!

The earth has lots of love to give, if you just know where to dig. My advice is start in the cemetery.

Our whole family thrives under pressure. It’s like our family motto or something.Apart from my brother Peter, of course. He had a nervous break down. But the rest of us.

Santa was dead, to begin with. There was no doubt whatsoever about that. The after-action report was signed by the field commander, the director of operations, the secretary of the Office of Sidhe Affairs, and...

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

If I saw a hitchhiker wearing a tie-dyed shirt, I’d assume he’s been waiting for a ride since the 1960s. I think that kind of patience is groovy.

I can’t afford to be dishonest. I also can’t afford to be poor.

A blanket could be used to deliver the darkness on a platter of light. But I’d eat my unborn children straight out of your uterus with a straw before I’d ever be a delivery guy...

You know, most men would get discouraged by now. Fortunately for you, I am not most men!

Really, I’m trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she’s singing, but it doesn’t appear to be over

Principal Principal: Where’s your late pass, mister?Errant Student: I’m on my way to get one now. PP: But you can’t be in the hall without a pass. ES: I know, I’m so upset. That’s why...

Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this was my moment. Rebecca has a smile like silk sliding across freshly shaved skin, and she always leaves...

If I’m homeless and pushing a shopping cart filled with all my worldly possessions, don’t be surprised to see me stopped behind a few cars in the turning lane, because I’ve got to get off...

A brick could be used as a marketing tool. I’ll help you grow your business, if you help me plant this brick in the ground.

And what have I done?” What? WHAT?…You’ve stolen them.” With that, Cornelia fled, but Buttercup understood; she knew who “them” was. The boys. The beef-witted featherbrained rattledskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed BOYS.

Don’t make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will.

I’m not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare — or, if not, it’s some equally brainy lad — who says that it’s always just when a chappie is feeling particularly...

Get a watermelon, draw a face on it, and talk to it before making love to it.

A brick could be used to grow your annual income by a factor of four. What, you don’t believe me? Are you calling me a liar?

Macho does not prove mucho.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.