There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popularity.

Don’t let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

Who was where when has no impact on where you are now.

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn’t experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.

If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr’d from dreams?

I like giving gifts, but I like not spending money more.

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

A brick, in the hands of a Mason, could be used to cover up and hide a secret handshake.

I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library.

The words, I love you, are empty without clarification. Women prefer to be told what they can expect. It is measurable like a Weight Watcher’s diet, with extra points at the end of the week...

Makes Gabriel look sweeter than gingerbread. Hates Will even more thanGabriel, too, if that’s possible.

Courage is a commodity I sell in times of peace. But then my father was a chicken farmer.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

I love the sunrise, but not as much as I love you. Will you pass me my midnight-black blindfold?

I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me now I know how it feels to be you.

I love you more, dumb ass.

So, technically,” Simon said, “even though Jace isn’t actually related to you, you have kissed your brother.

I knew we were destined to be lovers from the moment she tied me up and stuffed me in the trunk of her car.

My ears are too beeg for my head. My head ees too beeg for my body. I am not a Siamese cat … I AM A CHIHUAHUA!” — Skippyjon Jones (In his very best Spanish...

We made love like we made dinner. We had leftovers.

I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to

Lazy people, the truly lazy people live on information, strategies, ideas, plans and many other criticals, simply to spend one hour of hard work and make the rest feel like a breeze.

My high school teachers didn’t call me “The Babe Ruth of the Bicycle” for nothing. It’s too bad they didn’t call me that, because it was accurate.

Actually I don’t remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.

There’s major depression, and then there’s clinical depression. Major depression is what makes you jump off a bridge. I have clinical depression. I jump out of first story windows. It’s the psychological equivalent of lying...

I’d pour the Milky Way in my morning coffee, just to wake up my inner universe. Your love is all the sugar I’d need.

No one likes a person that “should of” all over the place.

The one undeniable benefit of having spent some time in the closet is that it nurtures a talent that you can fall back on any time: lying convincingly. Sometimes I worried that queer kids in...

For the sake of my loved ones, I don’t drink sake.

For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected.

A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.

If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning.

In a book, even the real bastards can’t hurt you. And you can never loose a friend you make in a book. When you get to a sad part, no one’s there to see you...

Here was a flower (the daisy reflected) strangely like itself and yet utterly unlike itself too. Such a paradox has often been the basis for the most impassioned love.

Mr. Satterthwaite looked cheered. Suddenly an idea struck him. His jaw fell. “My goodness,” he cried, “I’ve only just realized it! That rascal, with his poisoned cocktail! Anyone might have drunk it! It might have...

When I’m old and I brush my teeth and her dentures, I’ll smile because that is love—and that is disgusting.

Darius held Stark back from launching himself at Neferet, and Duantia spoke quickly into the rising tension. ‘Neferet, I think we can all agree that there are many unanswered questions about the tragedy that occured...

A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chisel it out of the fireplace the stocking is hanging from. Let the homeowner know how much you care.

…,dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you’re lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. Chapter I.

I’ve got better things to think about than thoughtlessness.

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

Embroidery?” I sucked at embroidery. Aunt Hyacinth had tried to teach me, but we’d both given it up as a lost cause.Lucy, strangely, had picked it up really quickly and embroidered a tapestry of Johnny...

Feed me, you moron.

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote down all their names in groups of 5-7-5, you’d have one tragic haiku.

I’d sip your tears with a straw while you sleep, because I’m thirsty for your love. And the more I’d drink, the thirstier I’d become. Your love is oceanic.

But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat.

Progress just means bad things happen faster.