Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”[On British Labour politician Stafford Cripps.]

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I cannot say your worships have delivered the matter well when I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables […] our very priests must become mockers if they shall encounter...

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.

whore” upon?

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

CASSIO: Dost thou hear, my honest friend?CLOWN: No, I hear not your honest friend, I hear you.CASSIO: Prithee, keep up thy quillets.

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Every instinct that is found in any man is in all men. The strength of the emotion may not be so overpowering, the barriers against possession not so insurmountable, the urge to accomplish the desire...

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.