I won’t clap when you die. I mean I would cheer, but applause would be inappropriate at your funeral, an event I’d miss because I’ll be celebrating.

My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline.

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.

It’s not wise for me to extend a congratulatory handshake while your hands are busy clapping for me. I’ll wait for your applause to die down—or for my mother-in-law to die before we shake in...

I am Clap Man. It’s a reverse super power, because instead of me doing the heavy lifting, I just applaud and encourage and others do all the work.

Complements from your companion will do you no good, but if you get complements from your competitors it means you are really doing good.

I am the Hooray Distributor. Hold your hands flat, not like begging for money, but as if you’re about to applaud. Now clap, damn you.

I don’t expect congratulations for successful beginning, what I want is the applaud at successful ending.

An applause is not just the recognition of good performance, but its proof of being different than the crowd.

The worth of a person’s thought is measured not by the quantity but by the quality of the support that it has got and this quality is defined by a single factor, which is only...

You can’t applaud a referee.

I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill.