A brick could be used as a symbol for the kind of life I’m trying to build. The question now is, what kind of life am I trying to build? Well, I guess I want...

Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.

A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I am the cement that holds everyone’s shoes in sync at the bottom of...

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even go too far in the opposite direction. My sign would say something like,...

whom to blame ?I always run from anything what I deserve ,perhaps get scared that I will not be loved as same way.and I lose every possibilities to be happy.

I keep a human brain in my pocket, because you never know when you’ll never know.

I guarantee it will be a lot more pleasant than arresting me…for both of us.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in ’81.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you’re having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how...

Love is a fairytale blah, blah, blah.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

People who say you are ugly, may be true, because to them, you look like a monster. People who say you are beautiful, may also be true, because to them, you look like an angel.

I nearly had a cakegasm at the table. My eyes rolled back in my head, and I moaned. “Sweet Christ.” I opened my eyes to find Hunter watching me with the strangest expression on his...

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Same as you, Arthur. I hitched a ride. After all, with a degree in maths and another in astrophysics it was either that or back to the dole queue on Monday. Sorry I missed the...

Yeah, I don’t mess with chicks younger. They got to be almost thirty.

I am a slave to your love. Well, more like indentured servant.

The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket.

I apologized for punching him. I thought he was attacking me with a karate chop disguised as a handshake.

Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you’re doing?””Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband’s spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth.””Oh, you say that when you don’t...

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.

Fine, I’ll touch you, briefly, but only because you sound like you need the praise that your body’s hot, and I’m totally selfless like that.

OKAY. So I was going to the library every Saturday. So what? So what? It’s not like I was reading books or anything.

His appearance projected danger and reinforced the common knowledge that one did not want to piss off a demon, especially this one.

I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark’s teeth. Locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my...

Do you want me to ride you like a rented mule, or do you prefer to be Mr. Missionary Position? I’m fine with wither, so it doesn’t matter to me.

To Do Today, 1/17/081. Sit and think2. Reach enlightenment3. Feed the cats

Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.

Remember: if everyone else gives 110% effort, and you give 120%, you’re really only giving a little over 109%.

That’s good to hear, Abby, since I need your breasts for a few minutes.

Easy for you to say. You’re the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing.” Cam’s mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had.

It’s just CIA being CIA.

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.

What are you” -Mac “I don’t follow” -Jericho “You dropped 30 feet in that warehouse. You should have broken something. What are you?” -Mac “A man with a rope.” -Jericho

The Rusty Ruins were the remains of an old city, a hulking reminder of back when there’d been way too many people, and everyone was incredibly stupid. And ugly.

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work...

You know what I used to dream about, in stir?” His voice was hoarse, the words low and fast and faintly guttural. “I used to dream about you. You were the only clean and good...

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay off my American Express Bill”- Peter Ustinov, 1921-2004

Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!

We’re clear,” she said. “You’re kind of a psycho. I get that

Do you want a cookie?- What?- A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one?- No.- How can you not want a cookie?- I just don’t.- Okay, fine,let’s say you did want a cookie. Let’s...

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.

Of course, Jules was not a wolf. She was an elephant. But Jules was a very young toy and she had never been to school to learn the difference.

She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.

Steffie took my hand and we walked past the fruit bins, an area that extended about forty-five yards along one wall. The bins were arranged diagonally and backed my mirrors that people accidentally punched when...

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

…You see I believe in that stuff to: yoga and mystical powers. I once knew a man who could kill himself on command. Can you believe that? . . . Why do you laugh? ....

A sand trap is like a politician in its duality. It represents two opposing viewpoints. You see, it was designed to trap your ball. So it exists to have balls land in it. But it...