I’ve got you covered. Just don’t hog all the blanket.

When she walked by the two officers, they didn’t recognize her. “Have you seen the luscious bonbon with the golden braids?” She grinned up at them with such impish mischief that they almost forgot their...

A blanket could be used to reveal hidden mysteries. Quick, get naked and get under, and I will illuminate the night.

I came into the room, which was half dark, and presently spotted Lord Kelvin in the audience and realised that I was in for trouble at the last part of my speech dealing with the...

You know it feels good. I can hardly geta…I don’t even…”There was something amusing about watching him trying to form a coherent sen-tence. Amusing, but arousing at the sametime.

And honestly, given the choice of facing my mother or a vampire, I think I’d always choose the latter.

Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.

It was because a great-looking man with no apparent mental defects found her attractive. Imagine feeling so buoyant over something so juvenile.

Ye are a scoundrel, a black-hearted robber and a rogue,’ Stubble said cheerily to the grumbling captain. It was his usual way of haggling, and he’d beaten down the riverman to a decent price for...

I can’t read your mind, you idiot.

I play basketball on Sundays and I’m a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

I want to drown in all the ink used to write positive things about my clone and how great he is.

A true friend doesn’t have guts; they beat you up and later plead with you to beat them back.

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable...

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

I restrain myself from following orders—especially restraining orders. I’d like to remind my dad that my love is longer than 500 feet.

Honestly, I feel like I am a leading man, and it’s just going to take the right project, the female and the right studio. It’s got to all gel together, you know what I mean?

I love ghosts; I prefer ghosts to some people.

What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning– and a child’s more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn’t deny that, even...

Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times.

If you’re a struggling artist having money problems just superglue a brick in the middle of a blanket, and call it art. Someone will buy it.

I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some.

We conquer the Independence Day aliens by having a Macintosh laptop computer upload a software virus to the mothership (which happens to be one-fifth the mass of the Moon), thus disarming its protective force field....

It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.

Bir ilk buluşmada kadın rahatça yemek yiyorsa, o erkeği çoktan elemiştir kafasında.

I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my eyes off his body, just the sight of his abs or arms was enough to make me want to get naked and let Carlo take over anything...

I guess I can’t blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck

In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.

—En verdad me gusta, quien sabe cómo el estar con él cambie mi vida, probablemente va a ser increíble.—,Y si cambia las cosas para mal?, ,Y si quiere robarte tu dinero, o secuestrarte, o cortarte...

I bet she likes it hard, from behind, probably likes to get spanked too. I mean, just look at her, she has a serious come-fuck-me-face.

I was feeling the height of bitchiness.

Give me that pointy thing,” as I point with my pointy finger.

Whispers followed me down the hall. Ignoring them was harder than I´d imagined. Every Cell in my body demanded that I confront them. And do what? Jump on them like a crazy spider monkey and...

Just to show my dad that I think he’s number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.

What kind of person doesn’t let you have gummi bears?

I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their...

Hey, he’s not using a holster,” I said, glancing at Alex’s on the dresser. He laughed out loud. “Yeah, I guess he must want something shooting off. It’d be so great if these things were...

I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.

Oh, this is the most TRAGICAL thing that ever happened to me!

[An example of misattribution:]If you don’t know the source of a quote,you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.— Mark Twain

So hologram means–” I finally said.”It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I’d like to do with you right now.

Sometimes I get depressed about my age. In March I’ll be 26. If man weren’t measured in numbers, but rather letters, I’d be turning Z. And then I’d be dead.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36...

I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.

Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I’ll cut you in fer half the business here.

If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I’d have 50 cents. That’s assuming drag queens are half price.

Like X-Box. And X-rated movies.

I’m asexual, though occasionally I’m attracted to inanimate objects. Mainly tube-shaped objects.

Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?””Ah. The Suriel told you nothing important, did it?”That smile of his sparked something bold in my chest. “He also said that...