I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.

Erm…I don’t know maybe for kissing me and tasting so damn delicious, maybe for holding my hand in public, maybe for looking far too hot in that sexy, snug tee when you should just be...

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I’m leaving.

Sir Henry fixed him with a keen eye.’Odd name, Tom Skatt – eh?”Thats right”You don’t think we could be related?’Tom looked up at his great-great-great-uncle and smiled.’I don’t think so”No,’ grinned Sir Henry “no, of...

Parkour is non-contact.”I felt my face redden. How was I supposed to know all that guy crap?

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn’t have...

I need a camera shutter on my penis hole. That way I could photograph political corruption from the inside.

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: ‘Who’s the third?

A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out message.Luis: Hey

That’s all right,” she told him. “I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine.”Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism.

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.

We walked on the moon. We made footprints somewhere no one else had ever made footprints, and unless someone comes and rubs them out, those footprints will be there forever because there’s no wind.

I was shy,” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.

It was like being leaned on by a very heavy, warm brick. A sexy brick.

Gloves are condoms for the hands. My bare handshake might impregnate you.

The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.

The Occupy Wall Street movement faltered when activists realized that traders were quite busy already.

Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.

Story Content Warning: There will be angst, sex, a little rough language and rampant lesbianism. If this is not your cup of tea, don’t drink it. If you are not old enough to read this,...

Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.

In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.

Though Alec had never seen the occupants of the first floor loft, they seemed to be engaged in a tempestuous romance. Once there had been a bunch of someone’s belongings strewn all over the landing...

Jean-Baptiste Say may have coined the term ‘entrepreneur’ but he totally missed the opportunity to put it on a t-shirt and sell it.

The three of us made love like one of us was a voyeur. I was the only one using binoculars as a sex toy.

But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid.

There comes a time in every woman’s life where she will decide to eat cookie dough. It is when and how that truly defines her.

Screw sharks; a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat me.

I suggested she write down her thoughts” He said, “and, well, my daughter is a very thorough woman.””I can see that” Waxillium said.”I suggest that you never ask her to pass the milk” Wayne added...

Everyone thinks you’ve been kidnapped,” he said. “We’ve been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you’ve been here all night?””Frank!” Annabeth’s ears were as red as strawberries. “We just came down...

Advice about love: When the green grape turns red, it’s time to separate the socks from the mittens.

Well, I’m sure there are people of Turkish origin wouldn’t want to do that, but external forces would try to influence the situation in Turkey.

Grover: It’s a very sweet love story. I get misty-eyed every time I play it. So does Percy, but I think that’s because he’s laughing at me.

I think we all should be in love once in our lifetime, even if we’re in love with someone who’s not alive in our lifetime. Long distance relations are hard, especially when you’re separated by...

I want to be a man of mountaintops: to scale the heights, achieve a sublime transcendence, and breathe in the thin air. Transcendence requires suffocation.

…and a third had died in his bunk of natural causes– for a dagger in the heart quite naturally ends one’s life

The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.

always schedule your comeback.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

It is meant to be survival of the fittest, not survival of the most floral.

You’re nasty and you’re loud,you’re mean enough for two,If I could be a cloud,I’d rain all day on you.

I held a nail in place and slammed it with the hammer. Best. Chore. Ever.

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

Eve talking to someone on her computer and having trouble with the language translator…..”I have two like crimes. Your data and your input on Leclerk would be very helpful”Marie pursed her lips and humor danced...

Go out with me tomorow night,” Perry went on. “Let me prove to you that I’m the guy you want.””I…I guess I coul go out tomorrow night,” Miranda sounded shocked and a little swept off...

Married?” she practically screeched, not sounding all that pleased, which left him feeling a little offended. “We’re not getting married.”He snorted at that. “I may have let you have your naughty little way with me...

Mallory dropped her head to the steering wheel. “Look, I’m mad at you, okay? This isn’t about me. I know my painful memories are relative. My life is good. I’m lucky. This isn’t about how...

I can see clearly now, my brain is gone.Lucy

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the...