It’s just so much like Iraq, it’s not funny, … except for all the water, and they speak English.

It doesn’t matter what clothes you had or what shoes you had, or how cool you were, or how many Facebook friends you garnered, what will matter in the end is what weapons you had,...

I wonder why some people find it very difficult to follow God. Perhaps, they are waiting for Him to join a social network before they could start to follow Him.

In spite of being complicated people choose superstitions over common sense.

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear… from my future Kids’ Funny Business.

Do you want me to carry you?

I can see how being invisible would be a good love-making strategy. It’s the ultimate fantasy—because all you can do is fantasize.

Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I...

When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.

Music is a great energizer. It’s a language everybody knows.

The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the next day, when he returned home.

The dark prince sat astride his black steed, his sable cape flowing behind him. A golden circlet bound his blond locks, his handsome face was cold with the rage of battle, and…”And his arm looked...

If I can scoop soup at 20 MPH while riding a three-legged horse, just imagine how great of a lover I am when I’m lying perfectly still.

Aline!” Isabelle looked appalled. “You can’t just go around asking people what it’s like to be a vampire.

I love love, I hate hate, and I’m indifferent about indifference.

And tell them what?” Jace said witheringly. “That invisible people are bothering you? Trust me, little girl, the police aren’t going to arrest someone they can’t see

Today I had to cut my Silent and Still Statue Demonstration Ceremony short due to wind conditions. Tonight I’ll make love like a tornado.

We have been helping, trying to help Afghanistan in many ways, even from the beginning of… the beginnings of the ’20s, 1920s, when he we were fighting our own national struggle.

If you make a nickel a second, you can’t afford to pick up a penny off the ground. It’s the same with love.

If water was beer I’d be a teetotaler

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

One person may look and only see a tree, whereas others may look and see a tree with leaves.

Through my quick action, I was able to capture her mannerism and store it in a jar. It looks like mayonnaise, but it tastes like love.

I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman!

Is that a bullet hole?” Freaking great.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

And you know what? It was your own damn fault. It was those jeans you wear, and the tool belt. It was the size of your hammer!

Nature is a porno. Deal with it.

I’m a great lover, I’ll bet.

Staring at my smoldering hot date, her husband stands tall for the first time in a decade, adjusting his toupee while flashing a horrid green toothy grin that looks more like a Steven Hawkins muscle...

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

(The Mona Lisa), that really is the ugliest portrait I’ve seen, the only thing that supposedly makes it famous is the mystery behind it,” Katherine admitted as she remembered her trips to the Louvre and...

A man should be more original than a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. Flowers die and sugar sticks to your hips like a permanent record to a criminal.

Oh, well, that’s not bad, I suppose. I mean, I’d prefer devastatingly sophisticated – but almost endearing is more than I could have hoped for under the circumstances.

I’m healthy as an ox. And you?” “To compare myself with a bovine would be both ridiculous and insulting, but I’m fit as ever, if that is what you are asking.

On the corner of Cathedral Road a raven sat in a tree watching him. He knew it was Dorkus for two reasons. Firstly, he’d told Dorkus to stay there to keep an eye on Michael....

The cops have no idea where my cave is, and your first package has yet to be delivered.”

But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat.

We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.

fresh” chicken noodle soup through a 20-foot straw that runs from the basement up to the attic, where she found the soup.

You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend’s husband’s dick now drop it.

A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the country up again after everything is destroyed.

And from now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell die, Ron, die — I’m just chucking them in the bin where they belong.

He flipped himself onto his side and kissed me. “You’re so hot,” I said, my hand still on his leg. “I’m starting to think you have an amputee fetish,” he answered, still kissing me. I...

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.

I said, I ain’t buyin’ no chocolate covered cherries.” “Oh, come on. You know you want to.”D shook his head like Jack was just too much to be believed. “I do not either want to,...

A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

Love is relentless, and so am I 😉

A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years away hello. Greetings European people of 3013! I hope you still speak Europe and can understand not a word of...

You’re so vain, I bet you think this Special National Intelligence Estimate is about you.