Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off,” he said. “I’m not in the mood to compromise.

Personally, I’m a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don’t have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It’s magic. End of discussion.

I wasn’t sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others.

He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents’ house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were standing there, watching us.”I’m not sure I feel comfortable about the way your...

So I guess this works out good.

Morelli was wearing a blazer over a black knit shirt, He took a seat, and his jacket swung wide, exposing the gun at his hip.”Nice piece!” Grandma said. “What is it? Is that a forty-five?””It’s...

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. “How does he always get food stuck to him?” I asked Morelli. “I don’t know,” Morelli said. “It’s a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out...

Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. –Stephanie Plum

I don’t get writer’s block because I don’t believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen.

I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.

As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. “That’s a rocket launcher!” “Yep,” Lula...

When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good...

Ranger locked eyes with me. “Please,” he said.Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren’t used to “please.” I wasn’t used to it either. But I liked it. Okay,” I said. “Be careful. He’s insane.

You gonna take the case?”It’s not a case. It’s a missing person. Sort of.”You’re gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens,” Grandma said.

Ranger cradled my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. “The ceremony is over. Can you make it back to the car?”I nodded. “I’m okay now. Am I...

Fuck,” Ranger said.Ranger didn’t often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door...

I’ve noticed you only speak ghetto half of the time.” – Stephanie”I’m multi-lingual,” Rancher said.I followed him to the door, feeling jealous, wishing I knew a second language.

Lots of times I’m not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward.

She’ll be back,” Ranger said. “But not tonight.”[Stephanie] “How’d you get her to leave?””Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well...

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: “She’s doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco,

I don’t need handcuffs to enslave a woman.” -Ranger to Stephanie

I don’t believe this,” Diesel said. “It just gets worse and worse. Bad I enough I have to play cupid to a butcher, button maker and veterinarian…now have to be sex therapist for a guy...

He wears jeans, untucked shirts, and a Glock 19, and he has a big shaggy dog named Bob.

Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige.

You’re a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.”-

Respect and love your readers. Write for the reader.

Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.

Connie, giving her thoughts on why Vinnie’s hot temper is less than normal, says: “Lucille must have fed him a Vallium smoothie this morning.

Cooking wasn’t so bad, I thought. In fact, it was a lot like sex. Sometimes it didn’t seem like such a good idea in the beginning, but then after you got into it …

If I gave you a pity position it wouldn’t be in my office.

Maybe it’s just not the right time for us to be married. I don’t want to be a bounty hunter for the rest of my life, but I certainly don’t want to be a housewife...

Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.

In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I’ve never been a slave to good judgment.

There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It’s been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.

Babe!

Lucille must have fed him a Vallium smoothie this morning.

Cripes, I can’t keep up on this political correct shit. I don’t even know what to call myself. One minute I’m black. Then I’m African American. Then I’m a person of color. Who the hell...

He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was inside me. He once told me that time spent with him would ruin me for all other men....

He’s going to jail. He can’t see. He can’t hear. He can’t take a leak that lasts under fifteen minutes. But he has an erection and all the other problems are small change. Next time...

Besides, there’s nobody who is going to watch your back better than me. You know that. And that’s why I’m going to be there with you, whenever there is, whenever you ask, and as long...

Now that we know you’re not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks,” I said to Ziggy.”I’ll try,” Ziggy said, “but it’s a hard habit to break.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

I don’t have a lot of domestic instincts,” Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, “but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose...

Mary Lou et moi, on est amies depuis qu’on est toutes petites. J’étais le boute-en-train de service, et elle, le cancre de la classe. « Cancre » n’est peut-être pas le mot juste. Disons que...

Tastykakes are just another of the many advantages of living in Jersey. They’re made in Philly and shipped to Trenton in all their fresh squishiness. I read once that 439,000 Butterscotch Krimpets are baked every...

I’d spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.

That’s disappointing,” Nick said. “I was hoping to see you in action again. It’s kind of sexy in a violent, perverted sort of way.””Gosh, knowing that makes my day complete.””I thought you’d want me to...

Oh, for God’s sake,” I said. “Just give me the stupid thing.” I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. “GPS,” Ranger said to Morelli. “Probably I can find...

…Don’t you just hate a phony-looking stiff?” – Aunt Edna