Who in the universe halts when the enemy tells them to?

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

Well, it’s just that… that’s going to hurt a bit, my dear. Go on, bend over. I’ll demonstrate.

A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me shivering and twitching in the night.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Tease.

There are shades of schadenfreude. My favorite shade is bright red, from a haughty spanking.

Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer.” he mutters

you were adorable.

The important thing to remember is that bugs don’t actually talk.

I mean, I’ve sold all these scripts and nothing’s been made. Studios have closed, stars have died. I had a director find Jesus. And the pictures just don’t get made.

Taxidermy?” he responded with just a touch of his own sarcasm.

Oh please,” Scout said.”Don’t take that tone with me. You know you’d love to have a minion. Someone at your beck and call. Someone to do your bidding. How many times have you said to...

Heat radiated off Henry’s face. Salty snot ran down his upper lip. A majestic fart propelled him to the top of Section 12, just at the springing of the stadium’s curve. He slapped the sign...

Life is so funny sometimes that you just have to laugh.

To get faster and better service, ring a bell. It’s the same principal as honking at someone in traffic. People respond well to it, and they seem to really enjoy it.

To the issues of friendship, love, business and war, “surprise” is the optimistic solution.

Considering the fact that I’ve used it in the past, and know what it is, and seen the results of it, I don’t view marijuana as a dangerous drug.

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he’ll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee.”That was code. It...

I don’t beg for those things which can be earned.

My father described me as the oldest baby he’d ever seen. I apparently was very serious and reflective.

Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.

This is where you all live?” Asked John as they ascended the stairs. “It’s small.””This is just our Thanksgiving house,” Scott muttered. “We have a house for every day of the year.

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I’ll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I’ve never found an easy way.

Oh, I’m good. Seriously, after all these years, you’d think I would stop amazing myself. But here I am, still doing it.

As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.

I’ve decided I don’t like books that end with ‘The End’. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.

Let’s start a new family.

That’s your truck parked up by the factory isn’t it?” Magnus pointed. “It’s awfully butch for a bookseller.

The last I knew you were going to a party. just a few friends at the McEvoys’ you told me. The science club, you told me. What happened? You got into a fight about the...

I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.

A man’s mind is like his car. If it gets to knocking too much, he’d better have it overhauled or change it.

HAMLET I will receive it sir with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use, ’tis for the head.OSRIC I thank you lordship, it is very hot.HAMLET No believe me, ’tis very...

I eat toast and ice—because bread and water just aren’t enough for me. I’m also an insatiable lover.

girlsplease give yourbodies and yourlivestothe young menwhodeserve thembesidesthere isno wayI would welcometheintolerabledullsenseless hellyou would bringmeandI wish youluckin bedandoutbut notinminethankyou.

A cemetery?” I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. “At night? With a full moon? Um … did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?”Shiko blinks at...

My love is shaped like a dog whistle—the sound, not the thing. As a lover, I’m a fighter. But dogs have more bark than me—and so do trees.

Yeah? Well, if there’s anything worse than a whore it’s a bore.

I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it

I won’t die for my love—but I will live for her, which is much harder and more impactful.

I had a dream about you last night… you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

All can I say is that exams are damn pathetic

I pee in the sink, so I can save time by washing my hands at the same time that I am urinating. I’ll bet you’re wondering where my favorite place to make love is.

Vanilla has become too genericized. It’s become standard, which is good. Vanilla is a household name. But the same standardization that’s made it so popular has taken the novelty out of it. Being the vanguard...

You named the chicken, Chicken?” She looked embarrassed. “When we decided not to kill it, I got attached.

To a man, I love you means please keep feeding me. To a woman, it means she was talking to a new pair of shoes.

Sir,” returned Mrs. Sparsit, ” I cannot say that i have heard him precisely snore, and therefore must not make that statement. But on winter evenings, when he has fallen asleep at his table, I...

You become so encapsulated in this world of being a star. People listen to what you say, you have this voice, it becomes unreal and you become far removed from the people you came from.

The wolf said, “You know, my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.” Red Riding Hood said, “I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I...