She grinned, looking for all the world like a sticky-mouthed little girl who had just convinced her gullible mother that she really did drop the first piece of candy into the storm drain and would...

What would make them think I was the model for Midori?!” She told me to fix the misunderstanding immediately, so that’s why I’m writing this reply now. Please stop causing problems in my household. Thank...

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

I guess we know who got the good genes.”I laugh at the expression on Caleb’s face, his mouth drawn into a slight pucker and his eyes wide.

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

please” anyone but themselves

It’s sometimes shocking to find out what people really believe in.

The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.

Go slowly, so that you do not bite your tail by accident.

Yeah. Isn’t it great?

Ten Things You Shouldn’t Say on a Date.1. You’re wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where’s the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad...

Tumia kipaji ulichopewa na Mungu.

What do you think is the problem? You’re a cute kid-­‐uh, guy. Man. You’re a cuteman.

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.

A brick could be used to sell tickets to a new sport called Glurping. If you think it sounds disgusting now, wait until you see it live!

Hello lover.

A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.

I suspect it is simply my good looks. . . .

I mean, we’re ninjas.””Well maybe you’re a ninja,” I said”You’re just a really loud, awkward ninja,” Margo said, “but we are both ninjas.

She knows all about black holes.

Just remember, all you have to do is say otherwise.

If you’re signing up all the pretty girls in Alden, I want to join too,” Max told Christy.”We aren’t taking men,” she explained.He cocked his eyebrow. “What? We aren’t sensitive enough for your kind of...

Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.

A brick could be used to start your car, if your car’s keys are cube-shaped and huge. You know what else cube-shaped and huge? That’s right—my penis sheath.

Now that we know you’re not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks,” I said to Ziggy.”I’ll try,” Ziggy said, “but it’s a hard habit to break.

A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may as well not exist.

For a split second, I wondered if he were some type of sexy sorcerer, who was able to remove my clothing by the force of his will alone. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused...

A brick could be used to replace a flat tire. After all, you want to replace like with like, and what’s more flat than a brick?

A human hires a hit man to kill his cousin for money, boring. That same hit man botches the job twice, funny. Then the desperate hit man sends a ghoul after the girl to finish...

A blanket could be used as a tarp to cover an outdoor swimming pool the size of a bed. As far as training goes, swimming is such a snooze of a sport that I think...

It may be appropriate to quote a statement of Poincare, who said (partly in jest no doubt) that there must be something mysterious about the normal law since mathematicians think it is a law of...

A brick could be used to stop potential terrorist plots. But it sure would be more effective if I could just record every single phone conversation, email, text message, Google search, and Skype video chat...

These are the best things I’ve ever had in my mouth!

A blanket could be used to mimic the mating call of my crumpled-up clone. Isn’t silence seductive?

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.

You guys are weird,” Tori said.Simon sat on the crate beside me. “That’s right. We are totally weird and completely uncool. Your popularity is plummeting just by being near us.

A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and since nobody will want to eat it, you’ll be left with more cake for yourself.

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

The ones who constantly make us laugh are the hardest of friends to know – for comedians are the caricatures among us.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Forgiveness” Steroids for the Soul.

A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model...

So where did you get your information? Werewolves for Dummies? No, wait, you watched Underworld? Or maybe you were raised by wolves? Stop mewhen I’m warm.” – Shella

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you’ve got a friend for life. Say, do...

Dyslexic satan worshipers think they’re worshipping Santa.

Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I’m so stupid. Forget I just said that. “He needs a Band-Aid,” I said. A look passed between...

Do you like my brother?” And there goes Dan’s confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field. “Uh… yes? I mean… I think everyone likes your brother, don’t they?” She leans over and gives...

Mountains could be what happens when Father Earth eats something that doesn’t agree with him. When he burps, mountains pop up.””That’s absurd,” Keselo said, trying not to laugh.”If you’ve got a better theory, I’d be...

When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. “Put your clothes in for a wash,” he said. “They were disgusting.”Ginny always thought that the only way of getting...

There you have it: our lives in a nutshell. Emphasis on nut.