My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Buzz, buzz, Ellie Bee.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Let my hand be a blanket for my penis.

I certainly hadn’t expected to walk away from today’s trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon.

…, and sometimes there’s just no point in arguing with him. “Yeah, okay ‘me, Jeff, and Evan, sitting in a tree…'”Chris claps his hands triumphantly. “That’s right, baby!” Than a more serious expression comes across...

Oh, Micheal darling!””Don’t call me darling, I’m a driving instructor!

Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was...

I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in...

A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! It’s as good as snuggling with any dead animal you find on the side of the highway. (Which...

Normal? I’m not normal enough for you?” Carlos says. “You want this guy instead? Did you notice his hair doesn’t move? That’s not normal. You want to date him again, go ahead. Hell, if you...

Pity, I’ve learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can’t stand anyone else’s.

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.

cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin’ in your house, I’d kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. “Right. It’s just that… He died. And I’m so freaking pissed off, I swear I’d punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

A brick could be used as a bowling ball. With how bad I bowl, a rectangle ball couldn’t possibly hurt my score, because in bowling you can’t get a lower score than zero

For the most part, each day listed a different rendition of “Justin ate well” and “Justin took a great nap”. Every now and then they noted Justin doing unusual things, like biting. I was embarrassed...

I’m dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That’s seven men. I’m like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty.

A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.

Secret 3963. It’s only a sucking chest wound if you’re not the shooter.

Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. ‘Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed — you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho’s; CEOs and their office ho’s; GI Joes and their combat ho’s; Gardeners and their garden hose;Firemen and their...

Elizabeth.”I feel my smile on my face as I understand what she is doing. Though it’s a strange one, she has a name-sound just like I do, and she’s telling me what it is. I...

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

As it ‘appens, I am Arthur’s right-hand man,” said Suzy. “Or left-hand girl, I can’t remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least...

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers… only they don’t critique me and then get up for coffee.

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

How could I not fall in love with him,” she asked. And on the tail end of her words, her bedroom door flew open and closed just as fast.Jen bent over, panting heavily as she...

A man’s love for a woman is not defined by his availability in bed, but by every ingredient he adds to improve the taste of the relationship.

His ears caught a sweet chiming noise, and a moment later a warm rush fell over his body. How we doing Rhage? Too hot? Butch’s voice. Up close. The cop was in the shower with...

I have lightning and wind powers,” Jason reminded him. “Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You’re no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too....

I think we are going to have to love ourselves. Fuck.

Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase.”I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.”They’re for you.””You want me...

Travis: The Aphrodite kids were ripping each other’s clothes and throwing lipstick and jewellery. It was like a rabid herd of wild Bratz.

Those who pretend as if they don’t love you, are the ones who would hate to see you love another person.

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.

Normally ghosts didn’t scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn’t encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.)

Instead of Rock, Paper, Scissors, you could play Brick, Blanket, Action Fingers, in which brick cripples action fingers, blanket smothers brick and action fingers beats blanket.

Yesterday I bought myself a karate trophy. But I feel like I won it, because the salesman really beat me up over the price.

If you’re passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the...

You know what I like most about people? Pets.

Guess we’re going north,” Dev said slowly.”Everyone, follow Lassie.Timmy’s in the well.

hornier than a bunny on ecstasy

It was a little difficult to take him seriously when he sang along to a song about a woman taking another woman’s man.

I’m beginning to think my name has been changed to ‘Damn it’ or ‘Asshole'” Styxx

The Marquis sighed. “I thought it was just a legend,” he said. “Like the alligators in the sewers of New York City.”Old Bailey nodded, sagely: “What, the big white buggers? They’re down there. I had...

The three of usgetting along so well.