I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist

Tambua vitu vya muhimu katika maisha yako ijapokuwa unaweza kuacha alama katika dunia bila kujitambua baada ya kuondoka.

You try almost dying, being chased, thenhopping in a car with a complete (horny)stranger.

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to...

A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna, and even a dead cat’s stomach, but nothing seems to be able to...

Poetry destroyed? Genius banished? No! Mediocrity, no: do not let envy prompt you to the thought. No; they not only live, but reign, and redeem: and without their divine influence spread everywhere, you would be...

A brick could be used as a book cover. Talk about hardcover!

The two keys to success as a sportswriter are: 1) A blind willingness to believe anything you’re told by the coaches, flacks, hustlers and other “official spokesmen” for the team-owners who provide the free booze...

There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone’s face is in close proximity to your penis.This was not one of those times.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and...

It was kind of funny to me. When you come to an opposing team’s ballpark and something happens that may have not gone their way, they’ll let you know about it. He thought it was...

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

I’m a little bit naked, but that’s okay.

A brick could be used to dink like a dunk, if the thunk of the think has enough verticalocity to it.

We weren’t really friends yet, just knowers of each other’s secret stuff.

A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you know?

A new baby! Why, Scarlett, this is a surprise!” he laughed, leaning down to push the blanket away from Ella Lorena’s small ugly face.” – Rhett Butler

A blanket could be used to lay down the law. Lay it down over there, on top of the bed, and I’ll come over and enforce it.

…which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.

A blanket could be used like a giant piece of paper. Most people just want to cum on it, but occasionally someone will want to splash ink on it and try to impregnate the minds...

Instead of finding himself in nerd heaven—where every nerd gets fifty-eight virgins to role-play with—he woke up in Robert Wood Johnson with two broken legs and a separated shoulder, feeling like, well, he’d jumped off...

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

Tis but a scratch”A scratch?! Your arm’s off!”No, it isn’t.

Mormon,” he whispers.

I can’t dance, remember?” I whispered.”It’s just a tango. It is like sex, except with clothes on.” Then, squeezing me closer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot, you do not know how to do that either.

A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s merely heartburn, and you’re just as common as a brick.

I slowly climbed the porch steps while wondering, what exactly did Elias know about my life in London; what precisely was wrong with his mind…And what was the heaviest item in my bag.

A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.

Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.’Die, bastards.’She sighed. It wasn’t their fault that they were bastards who should die.

I put out the Greg Call, which sounds like a whistle-quack, and a few dozen Toms responded. The only time I need a Tom is tomorrow.

Men were good for one thing only. Killing spiders. Other than that, I was on my own. It was sad though. Where was the chivalry of yesteryear?

Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?

Graham Chapman, co-author of the “Parrot Sketch”, is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He’s kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed...

A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is why I must suffocate my desire.

Want a little cheese with that whine, maestro?

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn’t enough. You also have to move the chair.

Never dance in a puddle when there’s a hole in your shoe (it’s always best to take your shoes off first).

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn’t try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, “You may regret this,” would have been fine.

And you’d think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn’t. It just- it just makes them dead.

A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What kind of things are non-bricks? Well, anything from blankets to lies. So therefore,...

You tell your brother he’s gonna pay for that car in silver.

A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when you need it?

The art of sensuality encompassing the exploration and experiencing of all our senses… Those images are being born from and through living the moments of eating favorite chocolate cake with ice-cream, tranquil meditating, walking the...

A brick could be inserted in your chest in place of your heart. And for just a couple thousand dollars more, an artificial heart could replace the brick.

I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.

A brick could be used as a fashion accessory. Or an accessory to murder. I believe the phrase is, “If looks could kill.

Then, almost as an afterthought, she turned and locked the bathroom door. If he thought he was going to seduce her, make her stupid enough to believe his lies by getting her into bed, he’d...

Excuse me for a moment, will ye. I think I have to talk to the river,’ he said unsteadily and flopped over the side-rail.

Or maybe I, like, cuddle raped him or something.

I think I look great in green, and I’m going to start wearing more green.