That’s sad, Finch. You should get out more,” I said, stopping at the cafeteria entrance.

I am fluent in pussy, but I have no idea what this fucking means, Georgia.

When he who hears does not know what he who speaks means, and when he who speaks does not know what he himself means, that is philosophy

Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!

But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it’s so forced.

You cannot negotiate art.

We have allowed the system to be so corrupted that many want justice to be “empathetic,” not blind.

Usually, there’s nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

But he is an Italian,” was Umberto’s sensible reply. “He doesn’t care if you break some law a little bit, as long as you wear beautiful shoes. Are you wearing beautiful shoes? Are you wearing...

It was all fine until the girls started drinking. (Everything is always fine up until that point.)

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don’t want to be friends. – Raven from Blood of Prey

They can’t expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, ‘I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.’ What does that even mean?

Permission to shoot the fucker in the face when it comes over the rim?

Funny thing- Morgenstern’s folk’s were named Max and Valerie and his father was a doctor.

I’m not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

I felt bad for the girls in my school, who flocked to prom like it was the second coming of Christ, complete with double-rainbows and unicorns.

Shut. Up,” June squealed. “You have a date with that guy?” She giggled and covered her mouth. “Shut up, shut up, shut up! Tell me everything.””I can’t do both,” I pointed out.

It’s time.” His mother, my wife, was resigned to the fact that it was time for Junior to leave the nest. She sat on a stool at the granite kitchen counter, spiked coffee beside her,...

And since when is stealing people’s possessions the call of God? you are all hypocrites who have suddenly come into power, and you don’t know how to handle it

Dear DiaryWent out shopping today. Picked up half a dozen sheep, two pigs, and a princess. The sheep are rather depressingly thin, the pigs and princess only slightly less so. Dear DiaryWent out shopping today....

Pull the hair on my head the wrong way, and I would be on my knees begging for mercy. I have very sensitive follicles.

I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer.

Scoot over, man. I don’t like you that much.” “Dick. That’s not what you said last night.””Bite me.

Err on the side of awesome.

For the sake of my loved ones, I don’t drink sake.

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right?

And even very recently, when Taliban was in office, we took the humanitarian task of building hospital, for instance, schools and other arrangements.

It’s not a stereotype if it’s always true.

I’m so honest, that in order to compliment you, I’d improve you first.

He kept one eye on Matt as he talked. He could tell Matt was close to orgasm by the way he title his head to the side and bit his lower lip. “And what about...

He met her because I didn’t show up that day and he went in my place. If they get married, I should be the best man. I am Invisible Cupid, so where’s my monument to...

I guess we’re oil and water. (Phoebe)I’d say we’re more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)

I couldn’t go back to my apartment. I was forever estranged from my place of habit – the carpet I would ash my cigarettes on, the gin bathtub where I would soak to keep my...

I waffled over the issue like a pancake with texture similar to the bottom of a 1970s track shoe. I ran through all sides, and decided it’s love.

There are dumb actors. But there are dumb politicians and dumb bakers.

Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with it.

My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face. Then my heart stood up, brushed itself off, took a deep breath and announced: “I want a spiritual teacher.

I wouldn’t say I’m a method actor. I do research when I feel I don’t have enough experience for the part I’m playing.

There is something stunningly narrow about how the Anthropic Principle is phrased. Yes, only certain laws and constants of nature are consistent with our kind of life. But essentially the same laws and constants are...

Love makes the world go round. Too bad love doesn’t make the world go other shapes, like tetrahedron.

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I’d get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I...

I tended to hate people that hit me in the head without warning.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

I reach up and pat them both on the head. “Poor things. If you had a boy that looked like Logan, you’d be kissing him every chance you had, too.

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Jean grinned down at her, and she handed him something in a small silk bag.’What’s this?”Lock of my hair, ‘ she said. ‘Meant to give it to you days ago, but we got busy with...

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and...

The letters of my name are scrambled like eggs. They should be sunny side up, like Dark Jar Tin Zoo.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.