LIFE is like coffee — The darker it gets, the more it energizes.

It would be hilariously tragic if I avoided the rabids, avoided the sun, only to be fried to a crisp on a damn electric fence because I was too impatient.

I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts...

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. – Durzo Blint

You are so beautiful, I could eat you,” he said.And it was true. Her smile was as intoxicating as the wine.And he could eat her.

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I’m being judged.

Moreover, man carries in his heart the desire always to wield his scientific knowledge in service of the greater good. He would of course never use it for destructive purposes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! …

What’s the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Beyond all of that, I could see the wall I had seen from inside the train, the wall that runs along the train line. I assumed that there, behind it, was the west, and I...

Try & try until you cannot succeed.

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul’s apartment overlooks the park… and is obviously more expensive than mine.

A man’s greatest treasures are his illusions – Durzo Blint

I’m afraid it’s not nonsense,” Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. “As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn’t dash off with the other orphans. She...

You have to figure that there is something seriously wrong with somebody who wants to enter a profession that deals with whether people are screwing enough. Dealing with spirits, spooks, and demons almost seemed normal.

It doesn’t matter what other people think when you’re right – John Cleaver

They’re straight from the underworld, by the way. They are everlasting. They won’t die.

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape –...

I hear they make greeting cards now to thank your therapist… for NOTHING

Darkness is necessary for evolvement.

I had battled my own demons that day, facing down the thing that imprisoned me since the accident-a scar and the diffidence it created inside of me. But it was just a physical blemish, not...

A man of your stature’s cursing vocabulary ought to extend beyond a tedious reiteration of the excreta that fills the void between his ears.” – Durzo Blint

The Baudelaire orphans hung on to one another, and wept and wept while the adults argued endlessly behind them. Finally-as, I’m sorry to say, Count Olaf forced the Quagmires into puppy costumes so he could...

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma.

Sow a thought and reap an action, sow an action and reap a habit, sow a habit and reap a destiny – John Cleaver

I learned that it’s okay to feel the way I do: that my life has no meaning unless I have a boyfriend. A real man is like the perfect vampire-boy and all the perfect guys...

I can’t get his bonesto go down the fucking drain.I try to stuff the tiny holes,too tiny for this pain.I can’t get his bonesto break any way for my gain.Break them back a little too...

It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep myself from giggling out loud like the schoolgirl Deb had accused me of...

Knowledge is a rope, and you’re weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.

Assassination is an art, milord, and I am the city’s most accomplished artist – Durzo Blint

God help the serial killer who tackles your mother,” Riordan muttered.

(So I heard the boom of my fathr’s rifle when he shot my best friend.) A bullet only costs about two cents, and anybody can afford that.(14)

I’ve always been a monster,’ Scapegrace told her, ‘but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.”You smell terrible.”That’s the smell of evil.”It’s like rancid meat and bad eggs.”Evil,” Scapegrace insisted.

Alice is fictional. This isn’t.

Oh, precious losing streak,you’re too cute for your own good. I try to laugh about itbut my face is made of wood.

I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to...

You are fifty different kinds of twisted.””Only fifty? Val, you wound me.

Love is a madness. Love is Failer – Durzo Blint

Never a good sign, he thought, when the crows showed up.

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn’t have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST!And that thought just cracked me up.]It was like my friends had walked over the backs of...

The moral high ground proved to be one hell of an aphrodisiac…

Francis Ford Coppola – A man climbs a mountain and they call him a hero. I climb mountains that aren’t even there.

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

…I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn’t know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the...

Don’t tell me it’s going to fucking be okay! I am not okay with being that fucker’s pinata!

While art thrives on the blazing colours of scandal, literature blossoms on the dark soil of tragedy.

I am glad to be led by light.

An ordinary man can enjoy breakfasting on juice and rye bread.But when you are underfed, scorned, miserable or just plain bored, you don’t want to eat dull wholesome food.You want something a little more colourful,...

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation,...

People are sheep. TV is the shepherd.