What can I say? I’m like a playground water fountain, I live to wet people’s pants.

We don’t need to take off our pants and stand naked in the snow to experience the harshness of life; a clever person even can feel it with a bottle of wine.

I drink coffee the way other men put on their pants—only after they’ve paid the hooker.

I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery.

In my pants is where you need to look to find out everything you want to know about love. I got the magic formula from your grandma.

When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I...

My computer file is zipped, but my pants are not. Let us make love like 1968, before Al Gore invented the internet.

This guy’s got a mustache that’s made for TV. I’ve got a mustache that’s made for radio. I keep it zipped up quiet in my pants, next to my cigar.

The length of your shoe may change, the size of your pant may also change; but your life will never change until your mind changes!© more talks

If you got caught with your pants down. I suppose the first question to ask is, what were you doing in a fishing net

Dear Natalie,In a recent study conducted by jarodkintz.com, nine out of ten people were more likely to say yes when the salesperson wore pants. The curious thing is that the prospective customers were being sold...

Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I’ll show you a girl who can’t put her pants on.-Annik Marchand

Where other men failed, I was able to unzip her pants. All I did was gently turn the handle. I make love like a locksmith in a room with no doors.

Tonight when she came down to the front desk she was wearing neon green hot pants and a pink leopard print jacket. But the best part was that her boots almost matched her jacket. I...

I guessed princesses-in-training didn’t wear pants.

And out came an insult with the velocity of a whisper. But I could see I offended, so I zipped up my pants and left the wedding reception.

I don’t believe in wearing track pants unless you are in an actual athletic situation.

I took my pants off slowly, thinking if I did it too fast I’d possibly rip a hole in the center of the universe.

Buy one pair of pants and get a wallet full of cash for free. While I’ll admit they do have a coffee stain on the crotch, I can assure you it is caffeinated. Licking it...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn’t involve a woman.

I had a dream about you. I had a flat tire on the interstate, which is really embarrassing for a hitchhiker who is using that tire as a substitute for pants. You were the only...

I’m still one of those persons who prefers to wear pants, especially for at-home entertaining.

I am concussed,’ I announced, entirely sure of my self-diagnosis.”You’re fine,’ Takumi said as he jogged back towards me. ”Let’s get out of here before we’re killed.””I’m sorry,’ I said. ”But I can’t get up....

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.

The only change I can really see is that I don’t have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

All I heard was blah, blah, holding your dick later, blah, blah.” Duke rolled down his window and stuck his face into the night.

…It’s like trying to fit an octopus into a pair of tuxedo pants. And not a plain octopus at that, but an octopus that doesn’t even exist.

You have quite a repertoire of ‘pants’ references, don’t you?

For the longest time I thought I was blind, until I realized my eyelids were just shut. So I unzipped my pants and got on with my life. After I quit the Helen Keller Society,...

Keep Your Pants OnSome people believe the myth that if you do NOT have sex by the third date the relationship is going nowhere. What a joke!!! Why would you have sex with a complete...

His clothes were clean, but his mustache was dirty. He must have used it as a brush to scrub his pants. I’ll bet his coffee tastes like freedom.

I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a lover and a fisherman. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, if you want to take off...

Do not fear facing people without your pants; the world is dirtier than your underwear.

I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.

From time to time, you may see a girl wearing her black opaque tights as pants. They are, in fact, not.

Your washing machine is my bathtub. Every time I see you my heart spins with desire. YA by nosit’ Moskvu shtany dlya vas, kak drozh’ babushki. (I’d wear Moscow as pants for you, like a...

Welcome to Pantsland. Have a seat. Empty your pockets of masturbation and throw away your love of self-love.

Lovers look in the pants, they look in the eyes.

I had a dream about you. You were whispering in Van Gogh’s ear, which was in my pocket at the time, so people thought you were storing secrets in my pants. The NSA got jealous,...

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait — no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

I worked for one day, and left with two days in my back pocket. I couldn’t stuff them in my crotch, because my erection took up all my pants and half the kitchen.

My pants pant like a dog, and they drool at the zippered mouth. When I go for a walk, they go for a walk. Now, if only they could play fetch.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

I don’t like to brag or frighten, but I’ve got a black belt. And a brown one, which I sometimes wear with black slacks.

I don’t like tight pants on guys.

Too bad the buttons on my shirt don’t operate the elevator at work. If they did, maybe I wouldn’t have taken off my pants and taken the stairs.

I’m ready for Betty if Debbie calls. I’ve got two Susans worth of excitement saved up in my pockets, and my grandma pants couldn’t be tighter.

Boys find love in pants and girls find in pockets.

I soak my white socks in coffee, so I can wear them with brown pants and keep my feet from falling asleep.

If you make a fool of yourself, you can do it with dignity, without taking your pants down. And if you do take your pants down, you can still do it with dignity.