I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

It has to do – I think – with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out,...

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

There’s a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

I gave a funny speech at my wife’s birthday party, and I’m thinking, ‘Hey, I’ve still got it.’

My life has changed. I’m not walking around any more wishing I wasn’t me, which was the case at one time.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair… Change my...

It’s not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn’t happen that often.

If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

I have quite a house. People come over and I go, ‘I know, I’m sorry.’

Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I’m – basically inside, I’m a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.

Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to...

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it’s the best of both worlds. There’s a...

People don’t yell nasty things at actors – they let them continue.

Millions of people are married. I’ve never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!

When I was living in New York and didn’t have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I’d think, that’ll be...

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

Most of the time I’m thinking, I’m glad that scene was improvised.

It’s that I wasn’t suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear – mainstream comedy.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I’m very casual about it.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.

I don’t write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that’s going to happen. There’s an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then...

Perhaps I have a wider range than I’d given myself credit for.

Most people think I’m immodest.

I don’t take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.

My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.

No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.

Let’s not forget, I got divorced.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn’t know who I was, she would run away.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m deaf and I try to imagine what it’s like not to be able to hear them. It’s not that bad.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don’t like to have hot food for lunch.

There are times when I’m driving home after a day’s shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would’ve been so much better if I had written it out.

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

The addition of nuts in salad… I always find to be beneficial.

Obviously comedic styles do change.

Most practical jokes, I’ll feel too bad for the other person so I’ll stop just before the punchline.

I don’t like to make a big splash anyway.

I’m really only happy when I’m on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That’s what I’m all about – people and laughter.

If I wasn’t a golfer, I would still be miserable – but not as miserable.

Switzerland is a place where they don’t like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

When you’re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I am not honest.