A gun that shoots out rainclouds is a delayed water gun. I need to just pull the trigger and tell her I love her, but I’ll wait until her umbrella is open and her bathtub...

I need a tube-shaped bathtub, to play the tuba in. I make love like I make music—in a shower that’s in a phone booth that’s in 1981, the year before I was born.

A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the morning. After all, people often call me the Molly Brown of the Brown-water Bathtub. Also, I hate ice in...

I made dinner reservations for two, because I like eating alone. And I drink coffee by the bathtubful—but only while simultaneously taking a shower.

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.

I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming pool.

I’m forced to shower in the closet, because my friend is wearing all my clothes, and he’s in the bathtub at the moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub?

I floated like driftwood in the ocean. I wasn’t worried about sharks, because my bathtub is much too shallow.

I never feel so much myself as when I’m in a hot bath.I lay in that tub on the seventeenth floor of this hotel for-women-only, high up over the jazz and push of New York,...

I had a dream about you. I’d just invented a flying bathtub, and you were dirty and afraid of heights. I thought I could cure both at once, so I tricked you into getting naked...

I watched the sunset from the comfort of my bathtub, which has a clear bottom so I had an unobstructed view.

In the lobby of every business incubator there needs to be a bathtub, to get the ideas flowing. But to make it funktional, it needs to be used as a fish tank.

It’s easier to drink my hot coffee when I’m lying in it, naked, in my bathtub. There’s room enough for two, if you’re thirsty for my loving.

The only book I’d read in the shower is Naked Lunch, because my bathtub is in the center of my kitchen. I make breakfast like I make love, and sometimes I’m so hungry I make...

I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover.

I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.

Why fly in a space ship when you can just park it in my driveway? I’ll even move my tricycle to the bathtub, to heighten your showering experience. Who says I’m not romantic?

A shower curtain would make a great dress. If I make it for you, will you make love to me? Before you answer, you should know that I’m a bring my own bathtub kind of...

Every time the wind blows I think of her. I wonder if I could generate electricity off my yearning. Maybe a mind wind farm of some kind. Hopefully I could provide enough power for all...

Your washing machine is my bathtub. Every time I see you my heart spins with desire. YA by nosit’ Moskvu shtany dlya vas, kak drozh’ babushki. (I’d wear Moscow as pants for you, like a...