I need love. Here’s a list of other things I need: eggs, butter, flour, and sugar. I’m making a cake for the woman I love—and another one for my lover.

There was nothing I could say in retaliation except something that would confuse her.

Just the way it never rains when you have an umbrella, you’ll never run into people if you look fantastic. But go outside in pajamas, and you’ll run into every ex you have.

My routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used to replace my routine, because a comforter is a blanket.

Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children’s future.

Fortunately the essence of this revelation did not escape Mary despite the angel’s obscure speech, and, much surprised, she asked him, So Jesus is my son and the son of the Lord, Woman, what are...

I can see myself in my teacher’s eyes. I look like a pupil.

Emma: You can demand that Pettibone retain my services, but you cannot make similar demands of the parents of the students. They will not entrust the education of their daughters to a woman who has...

So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse’s only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid.

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.

I’m calling it a night.” Well, what else am I going to call it? Nathan?

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

You have hair prettier than one of Astaad’s concubines.” Ransom gave the vampire the finger. Venom grinned.

When someone insults me, I simply shut down. Then I open back up at 9 am the next morning.

I walked back into the bedroom and, after all that, I actually was surprised. She lay on the bed, her hands nonchalantly behind her head, with the banana between her legs. Only half of it...

Whenever Elliot Norther’s wife was nervous she baked. With the murder of Harriet Mason, her husband’s close colleague at the Faculty, she had been unable to resist a couple of Victoria sponges. During the frenzied...

A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s merely heartburn, and you’re just as common as a brick.

Don’t show me how I messed up, because I don’t need to be shown. Clearly if I’ve messed up once, I can do it again without any coaching from you.

I barely recognize him with his clothes on.

Your timing sucks on an epic level,” Daemon shot back.

It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome…When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer...

That bitch fate had a nasty sense of humor.

I could end the deficit in five minutes. You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP all sitting members of congress are ineligible for...

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

I’d rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You’re Busting My Nuptials

He gave her a sly, sideways look. “Did youbring it?””My list? Heavens, no. What can you be thinking?”His smile widened. “I brought mine.”Daphne gasped. “You didn’t!””I did. Just to torture Mother. I’m going peruse it...

Love is on the move like a picture of a statue. I should know, because I painfully painted it.

Just remember, we’re all in this alone.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

A blanket is a coffin, if the cops are after you and you have to dump a body quick.

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and–regardless of their political or cultural differences–accuse each other of cheating.

[Francesca] ‘You really are a few biscuits short of breakfast.’His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.’You’re a few colors shy of a rainbow?’ she offered. ‘Not pulling a full wagon? Knitting with only one needle? All foam...

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. “If I might be so bold, my lady-“”Perriwick!” Blake roared. “If I hear the phrase ‘if I might be so bold’ one more...

Hypotheses like professors, when they are seen not to work any longer in the laboratory, should disappear.

Love is nothing because those who do something for the love of it do it for nothing.

It’s kind of interesting you’re driving a car big enough for a wolfhound and a mastiff to get in the back of today,” I said.”And a greyhound, a dark brown bear, and a brindle utility...

Most people assume because my name is Jarod that I was born Martha proof. But I’m not Martha proof—I’m merely Martha resistant up to 100 meters.

I look forward to getting my hopes up. I have an appointment for disappointment.

You don’t happen to have a thousand dollars I can borrow?” “I don’t have five you can borrow. My piggy bank is officialy anorexic.

Hey, Melissa-is there anything I should know about having this kid that isn’t in the books I’ve been reading?”Sunlight streamed through the window, making the golden, hormone-induced mutton chops glisten upon my cheeks. As I...

College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?

And there it is! Bravo! I knew it was only a matter of time before Byron realized he had an audience. That man is simply incapable of keeping his shirt on when there are spectators....

I’m allergic to alcohol and narcotics, I break out in handcuffs”-Robert Downey Jr.

I didn’t know a van could go up on two wheels like that, for so long.” -Nudge

On the other hand, when you grow up you will discover that some of the people in this world never passed beyond the stage of the cave-man.

[Reverend James] Dobson says that the [Spongebob Squarepants] video would be watched by millions of elementary school students and includes a reference to being ‘tolerant of differences.’ The nerve! Who does Spongebob think he is?...

It was like being owned.”Some women like that.”Not me.”Perhaps it depends on the man doing the owning.”I doubt it. I couldn’t breathe with him kissing me.”One day you may kiss a man you can’t breathe...

A starving man asleep dreams of food, and even a crumb becomes a feast. When you’re hungry for affection even a no is better than being ignored.

Don’t make me come down there. – God