There would be a spike in the number of girls who went out for a walk in the woods and were never heard from again. There always were when stories came out portraying the terra...

The key to being a great agent is treating everyone like a celebrity and treating a celebrity like everyone else.

A dam doesn’t try to reason with the water. Its main purpose is to hold it still for a while. When I lecture my kids I’m doing much the same thing. I’m not trying to...

Izzy. Sweet, beautiful, but eternally strange Izzy.

Never love anybody who treats you like you’re normal…they’re just the psychiatric hospital staff

I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner.

THE PRESOCRATIC PROBLEM[all snap flags]Parmenides named his gun The Hot Power of the Stars. His gun was one, uncreated, imperishable, timeless, changeless, perfect, spherical. Spherical was the problem.

Chapter One of My Life. I walk down the street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It still takes forever to...

Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. ‘Will you swear?’And Myrnin said, shockingly, ‘I will.’ And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, ‘—frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater...

I like remembering her as she was—a fantasy of the future.

You stand in front of an electric fence and whip your dick out to take a piss on it, it’s pretty clear you’re about to make a mistake. Other than that, you pretty much have...

The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

The only woman I’d want to go on a blind date with is Helen Keller. Maybe we could meet for coffee and I could listen while she doesn’t all the talking.

I’m so ready you could drive a truck straight up my ass and I would bend over and push back until it was in to the rear bumper.

My conscience is cleared.

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he’s not… you know, better.””Define BETTER with that guy.””Not all fangs and raaaaar.

Don’t make me cover your face with a pillow until you see my side of things.””Isn’t that called murder?

Penis is simply an anatomical appendage, as exciting as a finger or a phalange. A willy is something small and flaccid, and at least slightly humorous. Prick is the organ as viewed with distaste, perhaps...

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.

I want to pour your voice into a goldfish bowl before flushing it down the toilet.

Oh, Eeyore, you are wet!” said Piglet, feeling him. Eeyore shook himself, and asked somebody to explain to Piglet what happened when you had been inside a river for quite a long time.

X outlawed ⇒ only outlaws will X, where X ∈ {G : people who care about G aren’t all that interested in set theory anyhow}.

I’m going to have to give him shit for all this,’ Shane said, as he wandered around. ‘He lives alone and makes his bed? Who does that?”People who like things neat?”Its not natural.

The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason

I carry all of my childhood memories in my mind. But maybe that’s not the best place for them. Well, you’ve got some extra space in your closet. Do you think I could store them...

I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit.

Books are like a mirror. If an ass looks in, you can’t expect an angel to look out.

Oh, I hate the cheap severity of abstract ethics!

Then again, in some of our meetings, the Upyri bring cocktails, shaking both cocks and tails. Bitches. You can’t live with them, they can’t live without you. It’s a lose-lose situation.

I may be crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I’m mad but not ill.

Wisdom of the Ages: Do the aliens on the moon pull down their pants and ‘earth’ their friends for fun?

Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he’ll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the...

Erin runs errands, and Aaron runs around on her behind her back while she’s out. He’s such a philanderer he should get a Nike contract.

The toughest part about riding a horse is overcoming the urge to eat it.

Yes; poor Bunbury is a dreadful invalid.Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. This...

I suppose I could get a job to have something to do, but working when I don’t have to work would be like pulling a straight and healthy tooth — pointless and extremely painful.”–David Palmer

I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking.

How can anybody say they know how I feel? The only one around here who is me, is ME.

On any job application I ever do, if they want my references, I always list the Bible.

The snow covered the two hills like vanilla frosting on two breasts. That’s what I thought then, because I was in love, and ready to sled down the icing on a birthday cake.

Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!

Also not the kind of place to hide a server.””Is that another pun?” She asked.”No! I swear! I didn’t mean that one.”~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5

The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The rusty can is all my father left me when he left us to...

You made me feel less alone;you made me feel not quite sodeformed, uninformed and hunchbacked.

The German Censors —— —— —— —— ———— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ———— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ———— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ————...

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!

(Sadie)”I’m not judging you, Dylan. I love vampire movies. If I looked surprised it was only because it’s so different from your TV work, that’s all.”His shoulders relaxed a notch. “Sorry. Olly gives me a...