My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets.

My family would never bother with something so insignificant as job experience. I’m sure they started the interview by asking what her favoritecolor was.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.

I’m the same as everyone in that I’m different from everyone. We are all unique, and therefore we are all the same.

There are no miracles on Mondays.

A cavalryman’s horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.

How to get money: earn it, steal it, borrow it, beg for it, or inherit it. So, who do I have to kill to get rich?

Kyo: Of course, I’ll beat YOU, too!Yuki: Don’t you ever get tired of saying that?Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It’s my goal in life!Yuki: It’s so unfair that I keep having to take abuse...

A title from the 1966 movie’ The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming,’ gives a new meaning toa phrase: ‘wait a minute, we’ve seen this movie before.’

Ever since Sincere died, I’ve been meaning to have meaning. Her love was the one thing that made me want to do other things, and without it I’m thingless.

A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the corner, he won’t feel so stupid and will know where to go.

The voices in my head that tell the other voices what to do are mean.

When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A thank you and a warm smile are always made warmer by a transfer of money.

I got a dick and I was single so, yeah, it’s possible.

He’d been an angel once. He hadn’t meant to Fall. He’d just hung around with the wrong people.

But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were...

If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me as a man. Aside from not cramping up, what’s more important than respect?

She’d absolutely adored the library_an entire building where anyone could take things they didn’t own and feel no remorse about it.

The Rusty Ruins were the remains of an old city, a hulking reminder of back when there’d been way too many people, and everyone was incredibly stupid. And ugly.

In hindsight, I have no idea why he was ever with me. He thought highly of my breasts. And . . . that’s it, I think.

Soy un gato, un ser extremadamente sensible a los más sutiles cambios en la mente o el alma del mundo. Y, naturalmente, necesito dormir más que el resto.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It’s a good thing you’re so voluptuous.

Show me how to lactate, and I’ll be the best mother a father could be.

Isn’t it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and...

I had a dream that I was in someone else’s shoes for once…they were the wrong size.

Sure, let me just go to the nearest ATM.” I wonder if she knows it’s all fake and inflated.

He spent the next weeks blocking scenes of the bureaucrat fucking his wife. On the floor with cooking ingredients. Standing, with socks still on. In the grass of the yard of their new and immense...

Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family.

You used to love me. Let me help jog your memory by buying you some running shoes. The shoes will be wooden, and nailed to the floor.

A brick represents my rationality, and a blanket represents my emotions. It’s robot versus mannequin, and to get a sense of who I am as a person, you need some mortar and a pillow.

Because this is another thing your average American man in crisis does: he tries to go home, forgetting, momentarily, that he is the reason he left home in the first place, that the home is...

I used to give advice, and no one wanted it. Now I give suggestions and everyone asks for more.

Courage comes in many forms. One of them is the ability to run at high speeds while wearing adult diapers.

Taking the alphabet first and learning one letter a year for twenty-six years he will be able to read and write as early in life as he ought to. If we were more careful not...

30% of the time I am successful 70% of the time. That’s 100% in my book—a book that happens to have a page count that’s 21% Reduced Fat.

If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s cute, like one of those little dogs, the kind Ryan Lilly has.

Someone ought to be rude to him. He’s rude enough to everyone else.

I’m not going to touch her,” he said “She’s not mine.She never will be.””Indeed.” Bruiser rolled his eyes and dusted off his hat. “Definitely no years of pent-up lusting there. Glad we have that sorted.

There’s no room for love in my life. My car trunk is already full of groceries, a spare tire, and two kidnap victims.

[Harrier] locked eyes with Zanattar. He couldn’t remember another time in his life when he’d been this angry and hadn’t hit something.

When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you’ve created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is...

Some people snort cocaine. I snort powdered love. It’s like powdered sugar, only sweeter.

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

Merda! Her lace panties had snagged on his ring, the signet ring he’d inherited from his father, Giacomo Casanova. His father had seduced hundred of women without any problems whatsoever, and he was having trouble...

I eat toast and ice—because bread and water just aren’t enough for me. I’m also an insatiable lover.

take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never...

Clone One’s last name will be Martz. Clone Two I’ll call Martinez.

Just like wearing black makes you look thinner, wearing a midget makes you look taller.