For your information, Lester, there are at least five wonderful parts of the female body that can be viewed by the owner only with a hand mirror.

Well, the man who first translated the bible into English was burned at the stake, and they’ve been at it ever since. Must be all that adultery, murder and incest. But not to worry. It’s back on the shelves.

I used to think that when I grew up there wouldn’t be so many rules. Back in elementary school there were rules about what entrance you used in the morning, what door you used going home, when you could talk in the library, how many paper towels you could use in the rest room, and...

If it doesn’t sweat, jiggle, or pant, it’s not alive.

His face looked almost as gray as his suit, and the pouches beneath his eyes looked like little bags for holding all the sadness that his head couldn’t hold.

I sure wasn’t going to ask Aunt Sally, because if she told me once that getting your period was like a moth becoming a butterfly, she’d probably say that sexual intercourse was like a deer getting antlers or something.

Do we have a hand mirror?’ I asked from the kitchen doorway.’Never use one,’ said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.’Naturally, you’re a male. What you see is what you’ve got,’ I said resentfully.’Huh?’ said Lester.

You’ll feel even worse, of course, but you’ll carry on, because happiness has a way of creeping in again. It really does,” I said.

The world is full of unrequited love,’ I said finally.’You and Patrick having problems?’ Dad said, reaching around to get the butter out of the fridge.’No, I was just wondering what you would say if I was a lesbian.”Come again?’ said Lester. ‘I’m having a hard time following this conversation.

The Three Cs, I told myself. When you’re not Comfortable with it, it’s not a Compliment, it’s Creepy.

One way to tell if you’re really comfortable with a person is if you can be quiet together sometimes and not feel awkward. If you don’t feel obligated to say something brilliant or funny or surprising or cool. You can just be together. You can just be.

When you’ve found the right one – when you see him, when you’re with him – you’ll feel like you’re coming home.

Happiness is wanting what you have.

You can’t. There’s not just one person in the world who’s your type. There’s a whole group with the same likes and dislikes. But you want to spend your whole life looking for all of them? You just feel that everything’s right. You’re at peace with yourself.

Since no one really knows what or who God is, or whether God is at all, why can’t God be hope?

We all have our own battles to fight, and sometimes we have to go it alone. I’m stronger than you think, you’d be surprised.

There were so many of these moments that could never be captured accurately, even in the camcorder, only in the heart.

You don’t have to be part of a couple to be happy, you know.

If you are embarrassed about your sex, it must mean that you feel there is something demeaning or disgusting about being female. You are all wondrously made, girls. Remember that: wondrously made, and you should carry your sex proudly, a badge of honor.

That’s the unforgivable sin, you know.””What is?””Refusing to forgive someone.””Refusing to forgive someone is the unforgivable sin?” I asked incredulously.

Sexually active? Sexually active? Patrick and I hadn’t even learned the fine points of kissing yet!I marched on down. ‘For your information,’ I said from the doorway, as both Dad and Lester jerked to attention, ‘I am about as sexually active as a bag of spinach, and if you want to keep me on the...