The ‘coons had enjoyed a real party, and my trashcan had been the piñata! They’d obviously indulged in an evening of feasting on our wares and then staggered off the property loaded up with our...

urgent” could mean anything from the need to raise money for lame goats to singing at the top of a living Christmas tree.

your wet-T-shirt librarian with the punk rock hair is helping me out just fine.

It’s some homeless woman. She looks like she needs money and a good wash.” And I thought I’d already reached the lowest point of my day.