If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

I mulled over what he had told me as I savored the Scotch. Not bad, really — like a beer that’s been in a brawl.

She picked up the stout and took a sip. It slid down her throat like silk.

I gave her a sideways bitter beer smirk, and then I ripped a whole chicken apart and threw it at the waiter and said, This place is too weird for me.

I don’t like water.

I’ve been to Australia.I’ve met the devildrank beer and snogged kangaroos.

I drink wine like beer, only twice as much less.

If I only drink beer, nothing stronger, then by the end of the night I can generally recognize myself as a reasonable human being, and more importantly, wake up that way.

You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you...

Driving down deserted early morning roads. Round and round. Round downtown. Through naked streets. Lips pursed on two litre bottles of beer, but pursuing the lips of freedom’s night. Swapping cars. Winding up at karaoke...

I’ve only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.

I’d tried to straighten him out, but there’s only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.

Beer is my coffee.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.[misquote of a letter about wine, see quotes/831031]

but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine.

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

My professional life had started and here I was at a professional dinner full of uninhibited drinking.

Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business.

My father was a preacher in Maryland and we had crab feasts – with corn on the cob, but no beer, being Methodist – outside on the church lawn.

I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left.

In an age when mass pleasures like television are becoming more feeble and homogeneous, the very act of discrimination becomes a form of protest. At a time when mass marketing of food produces a product...

How’s that a duel?””He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon’ everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about.”Teft laughed. “Beats knives at dawn, I suppose.

Standing at a urinal, I hold my penis like a cold beer. You look thirsty and sober, so can I get something to drink? You’re expression, is it dehydration—or is it love?

Nature’s what it’s all about, but our people have been brainwashed into thinking that life is a cell phone against your head and the TV on a beer commercial with hot chicks.

And even in the open air the stench of whiskey was appalling. To this fiendish poison, I am certain, the greater part of the squalor I saw is due. Many of these vermin were obviously...

I’ve been performing since 1955. I’m going to have to keep performing till I die because I’m not going to die in some rocking chair with a big ol’ beer belly.

Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.

I was so done with looking at life through the eyes of beer-drinking cheese-heads. I wanted to go on that mission trip and look through the eyes of someone from a different culture and see...

Religion is a non-alcoholic man’s alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man’s religion.

I like my coffee black, my beer from Germany, wine from Burgundy, the darker, the better. I like my heroes complicated and brooding, James Dean in oiled leather, leaning on a motorcycle. You know the...

She ordered beer all night, and I ordered root beer. She was drunk, and so was I—with love.

I never had one beer. If I bought a six-pack of beer, I kept drinking till all six beers were gone. You have to have that kind of understanding about yourself. I haven’t had a...

Eugene’s got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he’s thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.

Networking is like fishing. Just give some beer and a boat and I’ll be in business.

During the first millennium BCE, even the beer-loving Mesopotamians turned their backs on beer, which was dethroned as the most cultured and civilized of drinks, and the age of wine began.

Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty.

I’m gaining weight the right way: I’m drinking beer.

Never go for a drink in London’s square mile, nobody ever gets a round in.

But a year before that, I was starting to drink beer on the set of the film Lucas (1986).

After a while I got hungry and went to the kitchen. There was nothing to eat. I drank another beer and looked again, and found half a loaf of whole wheat bread behind the beer...

I’ve had a stressful day, and I need something stronger than beer. Somebody fetch me a bodybuilder. Check the cooler in the garage.

I am the food of love. And do you know what food that is? Distilled barley.

I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer.

If I show up on your doorstep don’t worry I’m just there to party.

I’ve never been thrown out of a pub, but I’ve fallen into quite a few

If you find semen in your beer, you’ll no longer have to wonder why I no longer have an erection. Love touches us all, like I touch myself.

If a cigarette butt in the bottom of a beer bottle had a voice it would be the voice of Phil Tufnell.

A beer bottle on a stick, like a broom, is less for cleaning and more for distance drinking. My floor is so filthy I’ll drink twelve.

The sacred pint alone can unbind the tongue…

The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isn’t going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time they’ll rise up is during a commercial break to either go to the bathroom or grab...