Doakes had a first name! It was Albert – had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant.

Are the two of you quite done with your sweet nothings? Because I might vomit.

I want to pour your voice into a goldfish bowl before flushing it down the toilet.

I’ll invite you to try my wedding. Free samples until Tuesday!

Lamlah tidak mau jadi anak laja, Lamlah anak bapak dan anak mak,”jawab budak yang belum mengenal kemuliaan dunia itu.Ala, bodoh si Malah ini, tidak mau jadi anak raja?” kata si Saminmencampuri percakapan itu. “Anak raja...

The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.

Spontaneity is one of the joys of existence, especially if you prepare for it in advance.

I can’t even make up a rhyme about an umbrella, let alone death and life and eternal peace.

Perfect sanity is a myth propagated by straitjacket salesmen.

I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit.

Her coming alone made me want to Mannequin all over myself, but I managed to contain myself like a microwave dinner. Sometimes love is frozen until you get off your sofa to take action.

The last time I checked,I didn’t have any special talent,thought Kara.Can I paint a demon to death?Drown it in some gouache?

I may be crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I’m mad but not ill.

Kyra.” Fred caught Kyra’s eyes. “I’m not in love with Ariana and I don’t want half the kingdom.””You don’t?”He shook his head. “But I might stick around for a little while longer. There are some...

Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much?

Yeah, I peed on it.

Erin runs errands, and Aaron runs around on her behind her back while she’s out. He’s such a philanderer he should get a Nike contract.

Instead of hip hip hooray, how about hip hip replacement? Old age should be celebrated one wobbly step at a time until the top of the stairs topples down onto the topless crowd below.

Humor relieves the tension between what we see or desire but repress in order to sustain a survivable illusion about the world we live in. As such it’s always potent stuff, and dangerous.

I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking.

The popular distinction between ‘constructive’ and ‘destructive’ criticism is a sentimentality: the mind too weak to perceive in what respects the bad fails is not strong enough to appreciate in what the good succeeds. To...

She seemed to be a nice person, too, instead of a homicidal bitch like his former wife. Otherwise, the world should fear. When Mencheres fell for a woman, he fell hard. If Kira asked for...

This bastard was in a self-help program? For what? Square-jawed, cleft-chin sufferers? Handsome Bastards Anonymous?

The snow covered the two hills like vanilla frosting on two breasts. That’s what I thought then, because I was in love, and ready to sled down the icing on a birthday cake.

My phone rang a long time, so I answered. How long? Eight feet long. My last relationship was half that long. I should be taller in love.

But money spent while manic doesn’t fit into the Internal Revenue Service concept of medical expense or business loss. So after mania, when most depressed, you’re given excellent reason to be even more so.

The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The rusty can is all my father left me when he left us to...

Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.

So. You get handed a holy sword by an archangel, told to go fight the forces of evil, and you somehow remain an atheist. Is that what you’re saying?

Stop looking for your better half! You need to be whole to attract your better whole, if you expect to have a flourishing relationship.

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!

When life hands you lemons say,”Lemons? What else have you got?”- bumper sticker

All you have to do, I tell myself, is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn’t be that hard.

It’s tough to lose one parent, but to lose two—in a murder/suicide no less! But it’s OK, soon after the incident I found out I was abandoned as a baby, so they weren’t my real...

Tugs used to think that everyone’s name was in the dictionary, and when she had realized it was only hers, both Tugs and Button, she felt suddenly fond and possessive of it, as if this...

I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.

Must you always speak with so many pop culture references?””I must, yes, but no one’s making pop culture anymore, so I’m starting to feel dated. I haven’t seen a new movie in two years. And...

If someone says you’re not right for them, they’re lying. What they’re really trying to tell you is they want you to stalk them and show them how committed you really are.

Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back.

its better to get hurt now than to get hurt later.

I found out who my real dad is on Facebook. I also found out who he isn’t. He isn’t the man I thought he isn’t.

‘Tell Suzie she’s a lucky cat.’ Have sexier words ever been spoken?

Sucks to be left out of adolescence, sort of like getting locked in the closet on Venus when the sun appears for the first time in a hundred years.

Don’t ever trust anyone who’s writing a book. They make up lies for a living.

My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg’s length, right below the knee.

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. It’s a condition not unlike tennis elbow, but you get it from masturbating.

I don’t see why you two can’t get along.””It is a personality issue,” Rathenridge muttered.Dentin looked at him. No emotion, no reaction, simply bland observation. “Yours?

Let’s start a new family.

Always think in circles to get your ideas around

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered...