The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.

She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!

Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path

Instead of hopping around like a wild in’jun on fire, try counting from 10 backwards while hopping on one foot”.

Theatres are curious places, magician’s trick-boxes where the golden memories of dramtic triumphs linger like nostalgic ghosts, and where the unexplainable, the fantastic, the tragic, the comic and the absurd are routine occurences on and...

I like talking about people who don’t have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and...

I have a chip on my shoulder. It’s a nacho, not a sense of bitterness.

Who the hell calls at two in the morning?””Maybe it’s Matt Wilde, confessing his love,” Lindsay says.”Very funny,

Just because I murdered a man—my boss—doesn’t mean I deserve to be fired. In fact, as I see it and saw it, I should be promoted for showing initiative and seeing an opportunity and opening...

Do you ever wonder if you’re the antichrist? I do. Not for myself of course, but I think you’re the devil.

You know you are a human when a beautiful image appearing on television/computer/smartphone/tab screen appears more alive than a living being.Basically, we are stupid.

Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter…with alliteration, no less!

The trouble with cousins, Lizabeth thought, was that they knew all about you, even your allergies.

Like all real heroes, Charley had a fatal flaw. He refused to believe that he had gonorrhea, whereas the truth was that he did.

I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today,...

I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.

I have lightning and wind powers,” Jason reminded him. “Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You’re no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too....

I’m a terrible person. I should have stayed in college. I should have gone skydiving while I had the chance. I should have gone swimming with dolphins. I should have seen The Spice Girls perform...

Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations.

Goodbyes, they often come in waves.

It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

He’d changed since the last summer. Instead of Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt, he wore a button-down shirt, khaki pants, and leather loafers. His sandy hair, which used to be so unruly, was now clipped...

I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy.

The house seemed to have all the comforts of little Children, dirt and litter.

You know, I’m not even sure how we ended up living together.””I am,” Jake said, turning back to the lake. “Sex. It’s a powerful force, my boy, and women use it.””Is that why you gave...

I was so offended I wanted to light his face on fire. But I restrained myself, because he was wearing my cat on his head.

Arlington National cemetery is huge! But that’s not surprising, because DC is the world’s largest graveyard of good ideas and intentions. Politicians are natural hunters. If there is a good and productive thing, they will...

Whatever the unknown in Europe, it had to be better than the known in a small town, where truth was hidden behind smiles, pleasantries, and an abundance of stretch lace at weddings. Whatever, the yet-to-be-written...

It’s because I’m pregnant, Christian.”He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. “If I knew getting you knocked up was going to make you eat, I might have done it earlier.

Sell canoes to those who are enduring a drought, and sell sunscreen to those suffering from flooding. But give love freely to all, because samples encourage sales.

There was a multitude of sexual scenarios, from asimple one-on-one couple fucking like bunnies to anoutright orgy with no less than eight people joined likeLEGOs.

I have hair on my chest. And it’s purring.

I’d rather make love to a robot than a politician, because it’d be more personable. Anyway, talking vacuum cleaners with flesh and suits freak me out.

Otrera stayed dead the second time,” Kinzie said, batting her eyes. “We have to thank you for that. If you ever need a new girlfriend…well, I think you’d look great in an iron collar and...

Barzûl!

If I were a shovel salesman, my biggest customers would be murderers. Oh, and spurned lovers trying to bury the past.

This was our last night. We only had one curtain call, Bree. And I thought they were going to give us a standing ovation, but no-o-o-. Do you know why half the audience stood up?””To...

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.

I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knuckles knocking and try to reproduce a knock off to sell on the black market.

Humor was a good way to hide the pain.

Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the Midol.

In light of the darkness, I see no reason to have no reason.

Working hard is a fool’s anthem, getting others to work for you is the motto for every successful man.

I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.

I stayed up all night making love—to myself. That reminds me, I need to buy some more Jell-O and political biographies.

I used to wrestle, and I had a perfect record. I never failed to fail.

Of course we got drunk!” Semyon said. “It’s okay to get drunk, Anton. If you need to real bad. Only you have to get drunk on vodka. Cognac and wine—that’s all for the heart.””So what’s...

I’m a Skeptic. And I’m a Journalist. I look up things in the library—a lot! I believe in the motto of Missouri, the ‘Show-me, don’t just blow me’ state. I need evidence. I need demonstrations....

Am I going crazy, or am I the only one who can hear the silence?

You should go into every relationship as a brick and not a blanket.