A blanket could be used to let the world know how serious you are. I’m serious, it could work. Try wrapping your naked body in a blanket and showing up to a job interview and...

I make love like I make sausages. And I don’t make sausages. At least not myself. I pay someone to make it for me. And sometimes I even pay for the sex that I’m paying...

I do not know if love lead to success but I know that hate dose, it is really work out .

The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence.

If you forget your manners, you can always borrow mine. I won’t be using them.

A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna, and even a dead cat’s stomach, but nothing seems to be able to...

I paid the cabman exactly his fare. He received it with an oath; upon which I instantly gave him a tract. If I had presented a pistol at his head, this abandoned wretch could hardly...

A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my shoe as a soup bowl?

I make love like a can opener. Will you be my Spaghetti O’s?

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won’t be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Louis-Cesare slowly pulled himself into a half-standing position against the side of the winery.’What? Did you think one little mage was going to do me in?’ He swallowed hard. ‘Hell, that was just a warm-up.

You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.

A brick could be used to sell new shoes to a man with no hands. I would say a brick could be used to sell a handless man new gloves, but that’s a bit of...

A brick could be used to deny you your dreams. And a blanket could be used as a gateway to all your dreams.

I lost my virginity in the back seat of a Buick. Not because I’m a romantic, but because my grandpa and grandma were in the front seats.

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.

Only three things are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since we can do nothing with the first two, we must do what we can with the third.

I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so my safes are full of their potential.

A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey.

A blanket could be used to separate the winners from the losers. With the exception of me, all men are losers, and only the winners are allowed under the blanket. Sorry, fellas, but there is...

Love is the only wound that feels good and is both self-inflicted and caused by others. I should sell emotional Band-Aids.

I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking

Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn’t work, 2) didn’t do what the expensive advertisements said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighborhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely...

Also retains value longer.”Knowing the sexual perversity about to transpire, I couldn’t reconcile that I was suddenly in an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Granted, I didn’t know from normal pre–group sex discussion topics,...

Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page,” Radar said. “For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don’t think it’s accurate to say, ‘Chuck Norris’s tears can...

Considering the number of ghastly love poems that had been written and which seemed fairly clearly a waste of everyone’s time, Jonathan couldn’t help but be surprised that coffee hadn’t been thus immortalized.

It wasn’t the first time he’d run for his life. And it most likely wouldnot be the last. In the past few decades, though, he’d mostly run fromangry fathers who’d found him where they felt...

Seine rehbraunen Augen blinkern mich verschmitzt von unten an.”Wie oft machst du es dir selbst?”Meine Güte, ist der Knabe dreist.”Stündlich, und ich denke dabei nur an dich” antworte ich wie aus der Pistole geschossen und...

We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” Otto replied. “Oh, and a megalomaniacal headmaster, the world’s deadliets assassin, giant mutated plant monsters, an international cartel of supervillains, and the security forces of every country...

I bought a house in a depressed neighborhood. The prices weren’t low, but the people were all bummed out.

Preparing to go to school was like getting ready for extended deep sea diving.

A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option.

Awww,” Minho said. “That’s almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face.

Someone has opened the flood gates of stupidity…

Bite me, Harry Potter.

If my last name were Bedient, I’d want to Irishize it and have you call me O’Bedient. Of course, just because you call me, doesn’t mean I’ll come.

Are you a person who peels off a band-aid slowly or just rips it off all at once?” Casey contemplated Alexa’s warning, recognizing it for what it was.

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.

I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they’re out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like cheap candy.

A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.

Or maybe nobody can fill that special place in her heart because I was nobody. And the only thing that fills a hole is a hole. And dirt.

I feel like I’ve been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit

—En verdad me gusta, quien sabe cómo el estar con él cambie mi vida, probablemente va a ser increíble.—,Y si cambia las cosas para mal?, ,Y si quiere robarte tu dinero, o secuestrarte, o cortarte...

Agatha had a face like an avocado, and a voice like guacamole. I know because I eat lime scented (and flavored) tortilla chips all the time (except at 4:44).

If there’s no chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going.

R u in?”

How would you feel about sharing your bed?” she asked. Tristan blinked. “Excuse me?” “He’d love to!” Gary said. Tristan shot him a look, “Good,” said Ivy, failing to notice Gary’s wink. “Ella can be...

You spoke to Nicodemus?’ Vivian asked.[Francesca] ‘We did.’V: ‘And he trusts you?’F: ‘As much as one might after a first impression involving hatchets.

Aside from that.

I had a dream about you. You tried to stab me with the pointy end of a football, and I tried to stab you with an extra point. I wasn’t successful, so I took my...