I always wanted to be an explorer, but – it seemed I was doomed to be nothing more than a very silly person.

Moose Factory (I wonder if they make moose there?)

Nerds are like slinkys. Not good for much, but they put a smile on your face when you push them down the stairs…

When someone says so-and-so’s opinionated, what’s that mean? Aren’t we all opinionated? Show me one person with no opinions, and I’ll show you a bowl of Jell-O—or a politician, whichever one’s dumber.

Personally, I thin knees should be kept for the eight or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise, you know? ‘Oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought!

A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you.

Every sex noise can be converted into a note and frozen in a can of soda. Ask me about menstruation music today!

We made love in the restaurant booth. It was romantic until our waiter knocked on our windshield.

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

I wish my nipples spiraled around and could play records. I could spin love songs while you made love to me like you were a DJ.

I put the hands in handsome. Then I put my penis in those hands. That’s some good-looking lovemaking.

Your pants didn’t get smaller, Mommy,” I assured her. “Your butt got bigger.

As the middle child of the Laurel Canyon Adams Family, Whit was surprisingly chill on the subject of ampire-vays.

Board the cows! We’ve come to enslave your marigolds.

It wasn’t necessarily that I wasn’t a fan of fairies. Really. It wasn’t that. It was that I wasn’t a fan of being taken hostage by a group of fairies.

I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair.

They should make suitcases shaped like human bodies, for discretely transporting dead cadavers. And I should get a friends and family discount.

I shed my clothes like a garage doesn’t shed—and a shed doesn’t garage. Then we made love like neighbors, so close, yet separated by several barriers.

The three of us made love like one of us was a voyeur. I was the only one using binoculars as a sex toy.

Your love, it takes me to the moon. Let’s get back to the film studio and start over. Pour a small cup of coffee while I take one large sip for mankind.

My love for her is as nuanced as a Nancy, and I wish her name were Nancy so I could more effectively convey my love for her.

She had no legs, so I made her wear suspenders and I carried her like a backpack. True love knows no luggage.

I waffled over the issue like a pancake with texture similar to the bottom of a 1970s track shoe. I ran through all sides, and decided it’s love.

Never dance in a puddle when there’s a hole in your shoe (it’s always best to take your shoes off first).

Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with u…

When pain brings you down, don’t be silly, don’t close your eyes and cry, you just might be in the best position to see the sun shine.

Kuna tofauti kati ya hekima na maarifa. Unaweza kuwa profesa ukawa mpumbavu, unaweza kuwa gumbaru ukawa na hekima.

I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.

You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price.

I make love like Brett Favre threw his first pass as a Green Bay Packer—to himself. Obviously, himself is myself.

As a lover I aim to please, and afterwards I aim at the toilet. Sometimes I miss, but no matter what, you’ll always receive splatters of intimacy.

A lightning bolt is sharper than an axe, because it’ll chop down a tree with one strike. My love is like that too—good for making firewood.

Having to eat fruit drives me bananas. But it’s OK, I park. Then I pick up a hooker and make love like I’ve got no money. And I really don’t have any.

I’m glad the government can’t tax love, because I’d owe them a lot of it. And I’d be forced to tell them how much my ex wife stole.

Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.

Chapter 1:I suggest you icksnay on the artalecsmay.

Often the inspiration to write music comes from the voices in your head. You’re not crazy. Just be thankful they are not making you rescue people in 20-degree weather at 2:30 in the morning in...

No, that flapping isn’t all the pigeons in the park zeroing in on some spilled popcorn!That antediluvian (old and prehistoric) scream that’s numbing your brain isn’t a subway on a curve!No, it’s the one and...

Some things are so silly they have a certain brilliance to them. Other things, set as standards for brilliance and therefore exalted by many who don’t know why, become tarnished because of it.

Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime.

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Dad.” (By the way, Bob is NOT my dad).

I eat toast and ice—because bread and water just aren’t enough for me. I’m also an insatiable lover.

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

If you make a nickel a second, you can’t afford to pick up a penny off the ground. It’s the same with love.

I asked what year the car was that was sitting in the driveway, but what I meant was how long had it been parked there. If it’s been there since 1982, I’ve been in love...

I have the lips of a lisp, and I kiss like kith. It sounds silly, but it feels more romantic.

‘Have fun’ is my message. Be silly. You’re allowed to be silly. There’s nothing wrong with it.

Jules could have sworn there was a devilish glint in the shopkeepers eye. ‘I find today I am in need of a bonnet.’Mr. Postlethwaite was silent. And then his eyes crept toward the marquess’s hairline.’It...

Get him now?” Duncan asked. He looked at the sword in his hand. Unsure of what he should do, he tossed the weapon at the giant. The sword flipped through the air a couple of...