If our limbic system betrays our true intentions, and it’s beyond our conscious control, then only a fool would consider lying a wise course of action. Politicians are full of such wisdom.

There’s a great Lebanese restaurant a few blocks over. They have the best shawarma in the world.” “What’s shawarma?” “You know what a gyro is?” “No.” “Same thing.

I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty women can bestow.’ Miss Bingley immediately fixated her eyes on his face, and desired...

. . . mixing defensiveness with anger – a wonderful mix, by the way.

I Voted” sticker on it, so perhaps it’s as disgusted with politics as politicians are disgusting.

The More Interesting Than.” I would say get Miley Cyrus to do it, but she isn’t interesting enough.

My friends call me Two Socks Kintz. They used to call me Barefoot Orafoura, but then someone gave me some socks. That was mighty kind of them.

Even those fortunate ones among us who get sex right don’t necessarily feel compelled to talk about it. For all they know, everybody else is having the same experience. Sex being a naturally private act,...

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He’s actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.-Jillian’s mother

A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.

He’s being silent again. Tell him to be quiet.

A brick is a biographical film in which a young orphan brick from the wrong side of the track grows up to be one of the most important bricks in all brick kind, as it...

A lie makes up 3/4ths of life.

I’ve done this sort of thing before. Not prophecies so much, but you’d be surprised how many people want to realign their ancestral lines to seem nobler, or rewrite their family history to remove more...

NORA [looking earnestly and a little doubtfully at him]. Surelyif you let one woman cry on you like that you’d never let anothertouch you.BROADBENT [conscientiously]. One should not. One OUGHT not, mydear girl. But the...

My voice smells like a shout. Especially when I eat silence.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Don’t talk sign language and masturbate at the same time. Not unless you’re translating a Presidential State of the Union address.

I’m not sure who invented dodgeball, but I can almost guarantee you that it wasn’t the shortest kid in the class.

A brick could be used to suppress certain groups of people, particularly those individuals who are too weak to stand up and say Hey, somebody get this brick off of me—it’s crushing me!

The size of your sighs tell how deeply you’re in love. How I feel is very much like a stressed and distressed midget trying to breathe.

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

And now to sleep, to dream…perchance to fart.

If I say your breasts are perfect, don’t tell me I’m wrong—prove me wrong by showing me. If more people voted with their wallets, more strippers would be elected officials.

Oh, look at that, he’s heard of me. My fame grows.

A brick could be used to represent a memory. That way when you live in a brick house, you could be living in the past.

I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it up without shame, lit it as I stood with one foot in the...

Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.

It’s amazing how fast a handshake turns into a handjob. Ah, you’ve got to love politics.

Evelyn: There’s nothing wrong with embracing one’s emotions.Brittany: Mom, You don’t just embrace your emotions, you make love to them hard-core.

A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick and break it, but can you punch a brick, shatter it, and then...

I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.

I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.

The political climate is stable, when you keep the ruling animals in a stable. I no longer vote for anything that can’t be ridden by a monkey dressed like a cowboy.

No. In fact, he was hard to shake. He, uh, stalked me, that kind of thing. I had to pretend he didn’texist.”Nicolai kissed her temple and relaxed against her.

A blanket could be used like a trumpet could be used as a murder weapon. And if the cops ask you what I was doing on the night of June 6th, tell them I was...

As Shakespeare says, if you’re going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over.

Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.

It’s a most peculiar psychology—this business of ‘Science is based on faith too, so there!’ Typically this is said by people who claim that faith is a good thing. Then why do they say ‘Science...

A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.

A blanket could be used to draw a map on—a treasure map, and not something Google has knowledge of. Want to know what’s under the X? My erection.

A hat should be taken off when greeting a lady, and left off the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Watson,’ said he, ‘if it should ever strike you that I am getting a little over-confident in my powers, or giving less pains to a case than it deserves, kindly whisper ‘Norbury’ in my ear,...

I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think I overpaid.

As rain began to fall, Aldric worried the old machines would not be able to survive the weather. “Hand me that oil can!” he shouted to Siomon.Magic machines need oil?” asked Simon.Of course they need...

A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I mean literally, keep your head still and balanced and don’t let the brick fall off. Actually, keeping the brick...

World’s worst writer.” If you’re wondering why I rate all my work one star, it’s because the rating system doesn’t have a zero star option, or better yet, go into negative numbers.

Bride, n. – A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

I have two hands so I can provide companionship to myself by holding one hand with the other. As a lover, I am self-sufficient.