Beard is like Niqab, that covers cheeks

In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a beard on my chest.

The three of usgetting along so well.

Competitively, I’m looking for the edge. I need to shave off inefficiencies and get rid of this Beard of Mediocrity.

When its dark enough you can see the stars.

I just cut my beard. I used a tractor, because farmers make the best lovers. But why sell produce when you could sell reproduce?

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.

My voice is raspy, like Rasputin’s beard. My love is like a mustache hidden in a patch of armpit hair. Come, feel what I feel for you.

Unless you’re in an early seventies-era Eagles cover band, a founding member of a religious cult, or sleeping under a bridge in Seattle, lose the beard and get a haircut. Power doesn’t have time for...

I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like my combo meal with a side of long white beard, and I’d like...

Do I have cat hair on my face? I was trying to grow out my beard. Let’s make love like two meows trapped in a Ziploc bag.

I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.

First, if you participate in Movember, fuck you. Second, if you want to raise money for prostate cancer (a noble cause), do it the old-fashioned way, by either begging for it or exerting yourself physically...

People think a Muslim has to have a turban or a big beard. It’s stupid.

I thought orange was a more electable color, so I dyed my whole cat orange, and renamed him Abe Lincoln. I licked his fur clean in celebration of his victory.

Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard.

There’s a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It’s so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over...

You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try to deny the existence of nonexistence?

I’ve been using the same razor since Occam (William of Ockham) shaved off his beard of excessive assumption. My morning routine is always the same. I wake up, brush my teeth, shower, shave, then I...

By the power of Steven Wright’s Beard!

There is no shortage of well-known pirates, including: Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, Blackbeard, Blue beard, Yellowbeard, and Yellow beard with Black Roots, who surmised that, if blondes have more fun, then blond pirates must have...

I enjoy scratching itches on my body with my beard stubble. The worst though is when my lower back itches.

If anybody ever tells me to face them like a man, I’ll get offended, because my face can’t grow a beard.

I want to grow a Loyalty Beard, to prove my commitment to my favorite shaving cream.

I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.

My ex girlfriend, she gave great log cabin. But she couldn’t write a speech like Lincoln. So I grew a beard and broke up with her.

I have the dance moves of a mustache, and a singing voice that sounds like a beard on the inside of my cheeks. Carry my love like karaoke in your pocket.

While getting a haircut, I thought about my failed marriage. Instead of feeling bad, I thought I’d grow a beard, move to the mountains, and start over.

Pet my 3:33 pm like it’s a beard. Live it, but don’t lick it.

I would pull at my beard like a wise man, but I don’t have one—a beard (or a wise man). So instead I pull at my grandpa’s beard, as he purrs like a kitten.

Abraham Lincoln wrote a poem about me once. You might know it as the Gettysburg Address. Men with beards are romantic.

I turned on my faucet, and out slithered a clear garden snake. It was too cold to shave with, so I grew out a beard and patch of broccoli. Sometimes my love is liquid, and...

I’m as much a lover as a cumulous cloud is a beard of God. My mustache can’t make rain the way I make love.

The only thing that will make a souffle fall is if it knows you’re afraid of it.

This guy looks like Humphrey Bogart with a beard. Makes me so jealous I could just stab him. And I would too, if I didn’t suspect him of holding a smoking gun.

Men are the fleas in the gray beard of God, and I’m just itching to meet Him.