We learned the seven traditional ways to make words unclear.””Seven? That many? Which was the most effective?””Poor grammar skills.

Tomorrow is promised to no one.

The notion that inspired play (even when audacious, offensive, or obscene) enhances rather than diminishes intellectual vigor and spiritual fulfillment, the notion that in the eyes of the gods the tight-lipped hero and the wet-cheeked...

I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

Of all sports, wrestling is the most like cuddling. I’m all sweaty because I’m training hard to show her how much I love her.

I read books so dry even a cactus couldn’t grow on them. But who cares? I’m not a farmer, I’m a thinker.

Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking to my mom and realize she hasn’t heard a word because she’s studying...

I had a dream about you. You were wearing Sylvester Stallone’s sneer as pants, but his lips were saggy on your legs, so you had to wear a mustache as a belt.

Walk Like A Pine Tree Day occurs on Stand Still Day. Orafoura and I observe both—and we observe whatever else we may be standing next to.

Maybe I’m some sort of perverted cartoon-sexual.

I’ll wear a maze on a necklace, dangling over my chest, because if you want to get at my heart, you have to be ready to lose yourself.

I’m not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.

Clear clutter. Make space for you.

In geometry, whenever we had to find the area of a circle, pi * radius squared, I would get really hungry for pie. Square pie.

It is better to make an irrational noise in a bush than in a desert.

Thank you,” Ben replied, looking modest.

I’m the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I’ve never even met.

The Boss,” because that title belongs to another Bruce.

Kelley. Your name is Kelley, isn’t it?” He didn’t wait for her confirmation. “Yes. Well. Tell me…that bit just now…was that from Dante’s Inferno?”Uh…no,” Kelley stammered. Her face felt hot.Really?”I’m in for it.Are you sure?”...

And to officially declare you have talent ” Suzy returned.

You know where I keep the gold coin.” As if on fire, their offspring made a desperate run for their father’s study, climbing over the table and fighting each other through the door. It wasn’t...

Everyone please stand behind the yellow line until the doors open. No food, drink, flash photography, or video cameras are permitted. Once aboard the ride, please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at...

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I’ve discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, “I want to love, I want to live…

I told him he needed a faucet and a basin, and I let this information sink in.

You’re staring,” Lana said.”Yes. I am. I’m a teenage boy. Beautiful girls in wet underwear have a tendency to cause staring in teenage boys.

Leadership. I separate myself from the pack at such a great distance that it may be said that I’m a leader—a leader of one with followers of none.

When people get into their 30s plus “boyfriend” sounds weird…if you really think about it. Instead, I think we should universally start using the term “manfriend” or “snookie bookie cuddles pie”.

Plans are invitation to disappointment.

All I have to say about love can be summed up in nine words: Never wipe your ass before you take a shit.

This is the moment I have dreaded, the very reason why we kept running, even when it seemed hopeless. We all seemed to believe if we kept running, we would never die. But what exactly...

No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s ALWAYS had EVERYTHING work out for them with...

The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.

The Occupy Wall Street movement faltered when activists realized that traders were quite busy already.

I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.

I only know I was born on March 5th because someone told me. I don’t remember myself. So it’s fact based on secondhand information and trust.

I’ve got a Don Baylor,” J.T. said.”California sucks this year.”Ralph snickered. “I wouldn’t use a Baylor card to scrape dog shit off the street.

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.

Yes. Your father helped me with that peacemaking thing I do that keeps you happily killing for a living.

Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting.

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.

But it is best to let sleeping facts lie.

Hey, bro, do you think you can put Shorty back on her chain?”I stepped forward with my hands on my hips, only slightly intimidated to find Kaleb almost eye level with me when he was...

Since i couldn’t remember the “real” first time i’d lost my virginity, this would have become my de facto first time. I wanted a better story then: I did it with this boy who i...

I knew I was in love because when I saw her my heart stopped. Obviously it started beating again.

[When asked what he wants for his tombstone epitaph]Since I’m an atheist, and have no belief whatsoever in life after death, I couldn’t care less — it’s not like it’ll have any impact on me,...

I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones.

Dear Producers, Something is radiating deep within me and it must be transmitted or I will implode and the world will suffer a great loss, unawares. Epic are the proportions of my soul, yet without...

Does getting nailed by a werewolf count as bestiality?

Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting.