Some days being a writer consists of telling yourself you aren’t insane, your characters are.

A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.

Ouch! I feel bitch slapped– Matt Carter

There are billions of men in the world, probably millions near my age. Maybe hundreds who are compatible with me. Maybe at least a dozen who would want to date me. There’s got to be...

I had a dream about you. We were racing to be the slowest person on earth. You were winning, which meant you were losing. You were gloating because you were a winner, and I was...

Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.

A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.

I never speed, because if I get into an automobile crash and die, I don’t want to have arrived earlier than I was supposed to for my death.

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

You can’t be creative without criticism. If your life is without critics then maybe you are painting your life’s masterpiece with only a broken brown crayon.

I had a dream about you. We made love like two albinos in the snow. Even though I could see everything, I couldn’t see anything.

Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — ‘Cuppa tea, cuppa tea… almost got shagged… cuppa tea’?

A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!

If you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.

☺☺ When a man gets you 99, he starts to think, he may only have another 10 years of sexy lovemaking left… Still Smiling At 99. ☺☺

Cara, in the lead, came to a halt beside them, looking from one to the other. “Still with the clothes, Lord Rahl?

The Cat In The Hat,” I won’t need to protect my sensitive lips anymore.

The meaning of life is XXXXXXXXXXX… Redaction mark? What redaction mark?

A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over your head, blocking your eyes from the sun in the sky, and voila! Nighttime.

I am the Sisters of Mercy. All three of them. Triplets.

I like gross generalizations…I also like disgusting specifics!

Masalah adalah apa yang kamu anggap masalah

Just being alive should make you late for everything. In case you’ve never noticed, the dead are always on time.

Goodreads.com could be read Good Reads, or it could be read Goo Dreads. Of course, it couldn’t be the latter, because who dreads goo?

OK, maybe one iota, or two iotas at most, but definitely not three.

A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon...

They should make suitcases shaped like human bodies, for discretely transporting dead cadavers. And I should get a friends and family discount.

Murderous thieves make their home here.” She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. “Absolutely,” Jonas replied.”Dangerous animals too.””Without a doubt.”She slanted a look toward him. “Perfect place for you.”He repressed a snort. “Oh,...

Thinking is the most overrated human activity.

I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.

Women always want to look younger, and I always want to look older, so I could look like Pliny the Younger. As a lover, that would give me the best of both worlds.

Sooner or later, most of us die from complications of being ourselves.

A blanket could be used as a tarp to cover an outdoor swimming pool the size of a bed. As far as training goes, swimming is such a snooze of a sport that I think...

It’s her favorite movie. She’s one-year-old. It’s also her grandma’s favorite movie. Her grandma is three-years-old.

it can’t be wrong, if it feels so wrong

…but freedom is scary.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

I’d like to make the argument that The Cars were the first garage band.

In an opposite universe, the iconoclast creates the icon. – Why We Couldn’t Possibly Be Living in an Opposite Universe, Reason 11.9

A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so long as people can tell it’s a snake.

I killed a man for his shoes, and then I realized his feet were much smaller than mine. So I walked around barefoot for a week, in honor of a man who died a senseless...

How did you-“Fool your guards? They’re not very good, the forgot to check the ceiling for spiders.”Valek grinned. His angular face softened.

Samuel, safety is my watchword. Rest assured that proper procedures will be followed at all times.”Skipper giggled. “Tell me, Mump. What ARE proper procedures exactly?””Simple,” said Mump. “One: cause maximum chaos in the shortest possible...

I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.

When Headmaster Conrady pointed out the white clapboard chapel, I wondered whether there might be at least one structure with a softer name, like Church of the Good Shepherd or Chapel of the Non-Weapon-Bearing Angels....

Walk On BaikuCup in hand, he singsI pass, playing deaf. Who’s theReal street performer?

A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there.

My love does not entail a tail. But my cat’s does.

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.