What do you want? Where’s the goddamn ice I ordered? Where’s the booze? There’s a war on, man! People are being killed!

A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I believe in social progress.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appellés cela betrügen? Corriger la fortune, l’enchainer sous ses doits, etre sûr de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrügen? betrügen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak für ein arm Sprak! für...

A brick could be used to disguise the fact that I’m blushing. Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed! Don’t look at the rose of my ears, look at the rouge of the construction cube.

I later discovered that in order to be a good athlete one must care intensely what is happening with a ball, even if one doesn’t have possession of it. This was ultimately my failure: my...

A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I was too blind to hear. I’m hungry for a bowl full of mute, but my favorite restaurant is out of the Helen...

pg. 231-232: They’d given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around...

A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the NSA.

A woman needs a man like a tortoise needs a crah helmet.

Bricks could be used to neatly pack your suitcase. It would promote personal strength and frugality.

If I don’t love something, is it still OK to set it free?

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit.

Maybe if they had put a little more effort into it, the labor theory of value would be better appreciated today.

In the Catskills, nostalgia runs backwards. The upwardly mobile Jewish masses of the 1950s and 1960s have been replaced by the Jews of 19th century Poland.

A blanket could be used to separate the winners from the losers. With the exception of me, all men are losers, and only the winners are allowed under the blanket. Sorry, fellas, but there is...

The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but it’s more politically correct

Some people would say it’s a bad idea to bring a fire-spider into a public library. Those people would probably be right, but it was better than leaving him alone in the house for nine...

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.

An arrogant laughs at repentance.

I hear Mr. Palmer tell Hannah that it was an electrical fault. Five arsonists in one school and it ends up being something so technically boring.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you,” Garrett joked.

Come Hell or High Water” usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.

You…you got rid of that dress fast,” I pointed out between heavy breaths. “I thought you liked it.” “I do like it,” he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. “I love it.” And...

Nix had told Emma before she’d left for Europe that on this trip she would ‘do that which you were born to do.’ Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her...

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

The rage that had expolded inside me diffused. I didn’t know where it had come from. I had a short temper and often acted impulsively,but this had been intense and ugly even for me. Weird.

And sometimes when I’m feeling really evil, I read books or paint.

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those...

I forgot for a second that he was my ancestral enemy, and felt bad for him; then i consoled myself that bird poop brings good luck

Wisdom of the Ages: “Unsuccessful pick-up lines” ‘My parole ends today, let’s celebrate!

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

I’m bein’ tortured.

[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou’s shirt causing it to rip in two ]Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn’t just happen Kagura: My love !Kyo Sohma: My...

It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague.

I read the title from the cover. ‘ ‘The joy of… crap.’ ‘ I read the rest of the full title of the thick, nondescript volume to myself and felt myself redden.Noah turned over on...

What happened?” he asked brusquely, interrupting me. “What do you mean, what happened?””I sensed your fear, heard you call out my name.””I…no, I didn’t.” Stone Wall, I told myself. Great Wall of China, around my...

A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert themselves up my anus, and both failed to penetrate me (though Kansas got...

Back from where? you’re not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody’s wife

What was that you gave me to eat?” Winter panicked.A Filler Crisp,” Clover said, his eyes seventy percent concerned and thirty percent mischievous.

The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.

All right, I’ll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.””The better to style with, my dear.

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face.

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.