I’m only sort of a politician.

Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.

The exhausted earth groaned and quivered under the monotonous glare of the sun. Spirals of heat rose from the ground as if from molten lava. A panting lizard crawled painfully over the fevered rock in...

I think a politician would be very, very cool to play. Or an American musician of some sort, or like an American pioneer like the Dohenys or the Rockefellers or something.

The congregation at my church felt that our pastor was spending our tithing poorly. So I took it upon myself to divert the collection money to an offshore bank account of mine, while I sipped...

When I’m asleep I’m a politician, and when I’m awake I’m a criminal. Throughout the day and night, my mentality never changes.

Politics is clueless; I can claim -“I am a politician” only because I am not.

I’m not a politician. I’m not running for office. I can say what I think.

I’ll give you a treat to get in your cage. I’m rewarding you for punishing you. Who am I? If you guessed either dog catcher or politician you are correct.

You can gain in your effectiveness as a politician from a wide acquaintance with the world and from a degree of independence that having some outside interests gives.

I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.

The lake I live by has dried up after years of selling bottled water from my back yard. So to encourage my neighbors to get excited about this development, I correctly pointed out that my...

It is possible to be a retard and a politician. In fact, it’s almost a prerequisite.

Politicians are the sole cause of our incurable social eczema

I’m a politician. I run for office. That’s my profession.

I had eggs for breakfast. I ate them off the hood of a politician’s car, after I threw them there.

There’s a certain clubbiness to the idea that you’re an ex-president. You’re no longer a politician. You’re a statesman.

I always look like I’m lying. I was born with a politician’s face. You’ll know I’m in love when I have a Vote For Me look in my eyes.

To increase my business, I gave myself the illusion of popularity. I did that by halving the size of my parking lot—so it looks twice as full. It’s this sort of tactical maneuvering, and preference...

I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, because I didn’t vote for that particular politician.

My definition of a redundancy is an air-bag in a politician’s car.

My job is to look at what politics is doing, not be a politician myself.

Sometimes I kick my cat. But I’m asleep, and he sleeps at the foot of my bed. It’s not like I kick it intentionally, like it was a politician.

All modern U.S. presidents are perforce politicians, prisoners of their past pronouncements, their party, their constituency, and their colleagues.

I planted a plastic plant, but nothing grew but political hope. I watered it with the tears of the voters.

The advantages of a hereditary Monarchy are self-evident. Without some such method of prescriptive, immediate and automatic succession, an interregnum intervenes, rival claimants arise, continuity is interrupted and the magic lost. Even when Parliament had...

I want to have five or six wives, and a few dozen sheep, all for my pleasure. I should be a politician.

It is important to bear in mind that political campaigns are designed by the same people who sell toothpaste and cars.

No politician is threatened by the child protective constituency, because it does not exist.

What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing myself. Am I the ideal leader? Let’s just say that if...

A politician will do anything to keep his job – even become a patriot.

It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician.

The art of economics consists in looking not merely at the immediate but at the longer effects of any act or policy; it consists in tracing the consequences of that policy not merely for one...

A real criminal mastermind isn’t known as a criminal mastermind, because how good can you be if you’re a known criminal? No, a real criminal mastermind is known by another name: politician.

No politician was more maligned than Ronald Reagan.

Under every stone lurks a politician.

That’s precisely why the majority of the population voted me into public office.

If we meet an honest and intelligent politician, a dozen, a hundred, we say they aren’t like politicians at all, and our category of politicians stays unchanged; we know what politicians are like.

Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises.

A representative owes not just his industry but his judgement

A burial should be more than a fire pit, arena seating, and a squirming politician strapped to a pile of wood. There should also be marshmallows.

Though I’m a congresswoman by title, a politician I’ve never been.

Characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

If there are seven people present, myself included, and there is one pizza that’s cut into eight slices, then everyone should get one slice—except for me, who should get two slices, because I didn’t pay....

Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” And I’d have to agree. Serves them right for being so sleazy.

A lie is the most sacred private property on Earth. Governments claim it is not theirs, and that their critics are the rightful owners.

I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they were looking out for my best interest. How refreshing it’d be to see...

I have got everything which a politician needs.

Mandela alikuwa hodari ndiyo maana akapelekwa jela. Alikuwa mvumilivu ndiyo maana akakaa jela kwa miaka ishirini na saba. Alivyotoka akawa kiongozi bora wa Afrika Kusini. Utu ukafanya awasamehe binadamu wenzake. Urithi wa Nelson Mandela kwetu...

Buy the town, and rent the politician. Politicians are refillable, like empty cups of coffee.