When I was a little girl,’ I said, sitting down, ‘the wallpaper in my room had pictures of Noah’s story.’ […]You know what’s weird though? It’s weird that the ark would be such a kids’...

Stealing is good, honest work,” Said the theif, puffing out his chest. “Well, not honest, strictly speaking,” he admitted after a moment. “Or actually good.

There was less than I’d expected in the rainy-day fund that Mom had kept in the bottom of an underwear drawer in a panty hose egg labeled ‘DEAD SPIDERS.’ As if I hadn’t always known...

Can I see some ID?” “WE DON’T HAVE ID,” said Jay, loudly. “‘CAUSE WE’RE CANADIAN. WE DON’T USE ID…THERE. AND THAT’S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. ‘CAUSE WE’RE CANADIAN.” Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug...

He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.

Woah,’ I said, blocking the doorway. ‘You can’t come in here. This is the girls’ room.’ Even as it came out of my mouth, I knew it sounded dumb. Dumb, I thought and maybe even...

What part of Canada are you from, honey?””THE LEFT PART,” said Jay.

There’s a little bit of magic in every box!

I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with … G.””Sausages.

Why would a vampire create a younger vampire if there was a possibility the young one might end up destroying the old one?’Stephin stared. ‘If you can explain to me how this is different from...

Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing...

In lieu of Tasers, you’ll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I’ll turn into a bat to get away from you.””Fight or...

This is where you all live?” Asked John as they ascended the stairs. “It’s small.””This is just our Thanksgiving house,” Scott muttered. “We have a house for every day of the year.

it smelled the way a garage would smell if you left a bear inside it for too long.

They can’t expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, ‘I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.’ What does that even mean?

Sejal had not thought of her home, or of India as a whole, as cool. She was dimly aware, however, of a white Westerner habit of wearing other cultures like T-shirts—the sticker bindis on club...

Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen.

The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much.

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren’t.

Sometimes you really want to say “Duh,” but you can’t. It’s a part of growing up, I guess.

Sorry I’m late,” Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late.

Captain Smek himself appeared on television for an official speech to humankind. […] ‘Noble Savages of Earth,’ he said. ‘Long time we have tried to live together in peace.’ (It had been five months.) ‘Long...

The Freemen have 987 levels of membership, the first three of which are achieved merely by filling out an application. The 8th level is granted upon full acceptance into the local lodge, the 13th following...

Ohh,’ said the girl with a sad tilt of her head.It was a response Sejal would hear a lot in the following weeks and which she would eventully come to understand meant, ‘Ohh, India, that...