I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of that.

A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.

The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.

I enjoy poetry where I can talk as bizarre as I please, but theology or philosophy, I always respect the truth by taking it a step further.

My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I’m going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step...

A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.

By the time I’m nine I know the world is a dangerous place. I’ve heard whispers about razorblades in apples, about Charlie Manson and his family. But no one is offering any clear information.

Several famous people have licked my nipples. Well, indirectly. First they licked the stamps, and then I peeled them off the letters and stuck them on my nipples.

Fuck it… That’s really the attitude that keeps a family together, it’s not “we love each other”, it’s just “fuck it, man.

Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.

We must have taken a wrong turn turning somewhere.””Where, Purgatory?” said Dozy. “We’re in Hell.

Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.

I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?”Lillian shot her a withering glance. “Daisy, don’t be a pea wit.

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

What did your mom say?””She said I better not be pregnant.”Janie snorts. “What the hell is wrong with our parents, anyway? Wait — you’re not, are you?” “Of course not! Sheesh, Janers! I may not...

I can only drive slowly.””That’s all right.””And I can only do left turns.”Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. “Wales is left! Look! It’s left all the way!

That you sit around, and you drink and you curse and you’re [expletive] funny and you have a bad mouth, and you don’t have that high voice all the time. I don’t know why you...

If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>

Let every man shovel out his own snow, and the whole city will be passable,” said Gamache. Seeing Beauvoir’s puzzled expression he added, “Emerson.””Lake and Palmer?””Ralph and Waldo.

A brick could be duct taped in front of your eyes, like a blindfold, so you can have that feeling of hitting your head against a brick wall all the time.

Do you think the Goblin King really did it?” asked Cordelia hesitantly. All the sheep knew she was talking about George’s death. Mopple quickly pulled up a tuft of grass.”Or Satan?” added Lane.”Nonsense,” Rameses snorted...

A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.

There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles.

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.

I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look. “For crying out loud,” he said. “It’s a racoon.” “Poor thing,” I said. “It could be a rabid baby-killer,” Cole told...

You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair.

I’ve got a Don Baylor,” J.T. said.”California sucks this year.”Ralph snickered. “I wouldn’t use a Baylor card to scrape dog shit off the street.

Rip as we know is vastly experienced and funnier than I think anyone knew. The show really reveals him to be a brilliant comedic actor.

Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” – Owen

I don’t believe in God, I only believe in Al Pacino, and that’s the truth.

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories—...

I’m going to take a shower,” I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming. “You know what they say, conserve water and shower with a friend.

I’m out of here.

Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh.

She didn’t break his heart, but I feel like a man is supposed to be a man, he ain’t supposed to be all involved in that. That’s why she got sisters and friend for. Just...

My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.

“He loved her…It was noble of him. It was beautiful.”-“It was stupid.

Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench.

And the geek shall inherit the Earth.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

She turns to us, acts surprised to see us, then does the bit with the back of the hand to the forehead. “You’re lost!” “You’re angry!” “You’re in the wrong school!” “You’re in the wrong...

Are you coming back to campus or you sticking around here with the prick?

She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it..

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.

The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho.

What the heck kind of name was Sir?

I said, names aren’t important,” he repeated. There was a silence between them for some seconds, then the Ranger said: “Do you know what is important?”Will shook his head.”Supper is important!

Come here, cat. You wouldn’t want to destroy the space-time continuum, would you? Meow. Meow.

All the kids with fancy shoes or clothes, do you know what I got with a family of nine? When ever we said let’s play poker, we had a full team of adults right there.

He things we think he’s a double agent, working for them but secretly working for us. He doesn’t know we know he’s a triple agent, working for them but secretly working for us but really...